


Best Friend's Brother

by SPN_DeanCas



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abused Dean Winchester, Bisexual Male Character, Caring Castiel, Dean Winchester Has Anger Issues, Dean Winchester Has Self-Worth Issues, F/M, Homophobic John Winchester, Homophobic Language, John Winchester Being an Asshole, John Winchester is an alcoholic, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-15
Updated: 2018-08-17
Packaged: 2019-05-24 15:16:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 32,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14957060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SPN_DeanCas/pseuds/SPN_DeanCas
Summary: He's tall, handsome, strong, caring, smart, selfless, maybe a bit reckless. And those eyes, god those eyes! The greenest eyes I've ever seen, and when rays of sun touch them... ugh, I could stare at them forever. They sparkle like emeralds. He is just amazing. I've never felt this way about anyone before.But he doesn't see me like that.Why do I have to fall in love with my best friend's brother?





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He just wants to be happy, but he ruins everything he touches.
> 
> Will Castiel be able to break the curse?

Sam was lying in bed after spending the night out with Castiel, his room mate. It was past midnight and his bedroom was pitch black. However, he woke up to the sound of something falling. His eyes shot open and he was wide awake. Quietly, he left his room and walked towards the living room. As he stood in the hall way, he saw a dark figure move towards the kitchen.

Cautiously, he followed the unknown figure before attacking the intruder. Surprisingly, the intruder was fighting back and was actually _really_ good at fighting. They were fighting in the kitchen, but Sam was pushed into the living room where the fight continued. After a while, Sam was knocked down to the floor and the intruder loomed over him.

"Easy, Tiger", a deep and rough voice said.

"Dean?!" Sam exclaimed.

"Hiya, Sammy", he replied with a smile.

"You scared the crap out of me!"

"That's because you're out of practice". Dean stood up; pulling Sam to his feet and fixing his shirt.

"What are you doing here Dean?" Sam said, slightly annoyed as his adrenaline washed away and he fought against sleep.

"I _was_ looking for a beer," Dean joked.

Before Sam could say anything, the lights turned on. "Sam?" A deep voice asked. The Winchester brothers turn to the voice to see a dark haired man with piercing blue eyes staring at them. He had clearly been woken up by the noise from the living room.

"Cas," Sam said. "Sorry for waking you". He paused for a second. "Um... Cas, this is Dean, my brother. Dean, this is Castiel, my room mate," He introduced them. Dean gave Castiel one of his blinding smiles with a flirtatious wink. Castiel awkwardly stood by the door frame, flustered by the sudden affection.

"Um... I'll let you two catch up," Castiel said. "I'm going to go back bed". He nodded at the brothers before walking back to his room.

"He's hot," Dean admitted with a sly smirk.

"Dude!" Sam exclaimed. "You have a boyfriend!"

Dean's face instantly fell and he glanced down at his feet. "Yeah... erm, not any more". Sam frowned at his older brother, but didn't say anything. "I messed things up. Just like I do with everything else I care about! Everything I touch, everything I care about always gets screwed up. I can never be happy! It's like I'm cursed!"

Sam sighed. "Dean, you're not cursed, you just haven't found the right one yet".

But Dean shook his head. "No, I'm serious. I try so hard to be happy, to have something good in my life, but then I somehow mess it up! You are the only good thing in my life that I haven't completely screwed up. But I sometimes feel like I'm close to failing you too". He released a heavy sigh before saying, "I just had to get away from it all. I was kinda hoping I could crash here for a while...?"

Sam placed his hand on Dean's shoulder and smiled at him. "You can stay for as long as you want". Dean looked up at his brother in shock, a small smile edging at his lips. "But you're sleeping on the couch".

"I don't care where I'm sleeping," he replied before walking to the couch. He looked at Sam and smiled. "Thanks, Sammy". He lay on the couch and closed his eyes. He listened to his brother leave the room and turn the light off, before falling asleep with a smile plastered on his handsome face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first fanfic so I'm sorry if it's bad.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I want to get to know him more, but I'm scared to know the truth.
> 
> What if he's some psychopath? Or a masked criminal? Those scars on his body look painful, so he must have been doing something dangerous, right?

Sam woke up to the smell of bacon. Confused, he climbs out of bed and stumbles into the kitchen to see the all too familiar scene before him: Dean cooking him breakfast. When Dean sees Sam in the doorway, he smiles. "Morning, Sammy!" He greets him over the the sound of his music playing quietly. He turns back to the food and continues to cook.

Sam sits down at the table and watches his brother quietly sing along to the music and slightly dances in the kitchen. As Dean was dishing out breakfast, Castiel entered the room fully dressed. "Morning, Sam," he greets him. "Morning, Dean. I would love to join you for breakfast, but I need to go to my revision lessons. I'm sorry. I hope you enjoy breakfast and have a good day", he said before leaving the house.

Dean looks at Sam with a raised eyebrow. "Does he ever eat with you?"

"No. Old habits die hard, I guess". When he noticed Dean's confused face, he elaborated. "He um... I don't think it's my place to say", Sam replied.

Dean shrugged before devouring his breakfast. Once their plates were empty, Dean washed the dishes while Sam got dressed for his only lesson of the day. Sam joined Dean in the kitchen and began to explain that he couldn't spend the day with him. "I have a lesson at the college. I have to go if I want to pass my exams. I'm sorry, I really am. I'm sure we can do something later or tomorrow?"

"Nah", Dean replied. "Don't worry about it", he lied. "I'm sure I can find something to do while you're being bored to death".

Sam smiled and shook his head. "I'll see you later", he said before leaving the house.

As the door shut, the smile from Dean's face vanished. His shoulders slumped as he released a heavy sigh. His hand rubbed his face before he walked to the fridge for a beer. It may only be 9am, but he really needed to have a drink. Throwing the lid in the recycling, he left the house to fix his baby. Opening her up and beginning to tinker, he listened to his cassette tapes while the sun beamed down on him.

_< 3  
_

Castiel was walking home after his revision lessons. He was almost home when he noticed Dean was fixing his car. He was only wearing his jeans in the hot weather, with his music blasting through the speakers of the impala. As Castiel got closer, he noticed the numerous scars on Dean's torso. The pale white lines where the old stitches had healed. They stretched across his entire body.

Castiel hadn't known he was staring until he made eye contact with Dean. His cheeks burned red with embarrassment as he rushed inside the house, but not before he noticed the smirk edged onto Dean's lips and the obvious flirty wink that was sent in his direction. Castiel rushed to his room where he hid away from Dean.

While he was doing his homework at his desk, there was a knock on his bedroom door. He looked up to see a stunning shirtless Dean entire his room with a sandwich on a plate. "Hey. I noticed you didn't eat breakfast with Sam and I this morning. I'm assuming you must be hungry, so I made you lunch", he said as he placed the food in front of Castiel. "Make sure you take a break, too. It's not good if you study for too long. Look after yourself".

As Dean was making his way out the room, Castiel thanked him, which earned him one of Dean's gorgeous smiles and a flirtatious wink. Once again, his cheeks flushed red, so he turned his attention back to his work. Dean's kind gesture of making him a sandwich warmed his heart. Dean was definitely not what he imagined.

_< 3_

     _Dear Journal,_

_Sam's older brother, Dean, is staying with us for a while. I'm not complaining: I've heard all the wonderful stories of Dean from Sam, but I never imagined him to be like this. I didn't expect him to be so attractive. I think he's flirting with me, but I'm not sure. The last relationship I was in was with Balthazar and that didn't end well. I think I'm scared to open up to someone again._

_But I really want to get to know Dean more. I was coming home from my revision lesson when I saw him working on this car. He was shirtless, which was kind of distracting, but I noticed the numerous scars on his body. The pale white lines from where the stitches have healed. I wonder how he got them. He is the most attractive man I've ever seen, and so mysterious. I want to get to know him more, but I'm scared to know the truth._

_What if he's some psychopath? Or a masked criminal? Those scars on his body look painful, so he must have been doing something dangerous, right?_

_Anyway, until next time,_

_\- Castiel._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to post a new chapter every Monday, Wednesday and Friday.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What if something really bad happened to him while he was growing up? What if it's traumatised him? Why would he need his clothes for protection? What has he experienced in his life? Those scars on him must tell so many horrifying stories.
> 
> Will he ever tell me those stories? Do I want to know?

Once again, Sam woke up to the smell of food. He smiled when he saw his older brother cooking in the kitchen. Like yesterday, Sam and Dean ate breakfast without Castiel. That gave them time to catch up on each other's lives. "I have a girlfriend now", Sam said. Dean raised an eyebrow at his brother before smirking. "Her name is Jessica Moore. She's amazing. I think you'll love her".

"When can I meet her?" Dean asked.

"I'm taking her out tonight, maybe tomorrow?"

"Wait?" Dean stopped eating. "You're-you're not going to be here tonight?"

"No, will that be a problem?" Sam asked.

Dean forced his food down before replying, "No-no, it's fine. Have fun on your date. I expect you home by 10am latest, understand?" He pretended to be a strict parent, but it only made Sam laugh at him. Gradually, he broke into a smile and joined in with the laughter.

The day went on as usual: Sam went to school while Dean was working on the Impala, and Castiel was nowhere to be seen. Not until lunch time when he was walking home and made eye contact with Dean again. There was something about Castiel that caught Dean's attention, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. That's why he's openly flirting with him, and he loves the way Castiel blushes when he gets nervous or embarrassed.

For the remainder of the day, Dean sat in the living room with his bottle of Bourbon Whiskey that he brought earlier. The sun had been replaced by the moon when Dean realised how late it was. His almost empty bottle still in his hand, he stumbled into the kitchen to look for food. The fridge seemed empty in his blurry vision, so he closed the fridge and attempted to make his way to the couch. Unfortunately, he lost his balance.

Luckily, something cushioned his fall. More like someone.

Castiel had caught him before he collided with the floor. "Woah. Are you alright?" His calming voice spoke into Dean's ear, sending a shiver down his spine. He held Dean up and spoke to him with a soft voice. "Dean? Can you walk on your own? Or do you need my help?"

Instantly, Dean pushed him away. "'M fine," he slurred.

He stepped forward and almost fell if Castiel hadn't caught him in time. "Woah! OK! I'm going to help you. Obviously, you can't walk on your own". Dean tried to protest, but he was too drunk to push Castiel away again. "Look, I just want to make sure you're alright. I'll help you to Sam's room, it'll be empty because he's staying out tonight, and I won't speak a word of this to anyone. OK?"

Dean nodded and allowed Castiel to take him to Sam's room. Dean flopped onto the bed, fully clothed, and began to doze off. He instantly woke up when he felt Castiel remove his shoes. He sat up in panic. "Dean! Calm down! It's fine. I'm just trying to make you comfortable. You shouldn't sleep in jeans, it cuts off the blood circulation in your legs".

"No. I want 'em," he slurred, tiredly. "Protection".

Castiel frowned. _Protection? What could he mean?_ Sighing, Castiel left Dean in his clothes and quietly left the room. When he entered his own room, he shut the door and sat at his desk before writing in his journal.

_< 3_

_Dear journal,_

_I found Dean drunk in the kitchen just now. He was too drunk to hold himself up. I can see that he's carrying so much on his shoulders, but he never mentions it. While I was helping him into Sam's bed, I tried to remove his shoes and jeans to get him comfortable, but he got all possessive. He said he needed them on for protection. I have no clue what he meant by that._

_What if something really bad happened to him while he was growing up? What if it's traumatised him? Why would he need his clothes for protection? What has he experienced in his life? Those scars on him must tell so many horrifying stories._

_Will he ever tell me those stories? Do I want to know?_

_Anyway, until next time,_

_\- Castiel._


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean got angry when I tried to get him to open up to me. He told me he wakes up in pain. Whatever happened to him must have been serious. I just hope one day he can trust me enough to let me in.

Castiel woke up to a bang. Quickly, he rushed out of bed to investigate the sound. When he entered the kitchen, he saw Dean leaning against the counter with a frying pan lying near his feet. Castiel watched as Dean took a deep breath. His shoulders rose and fell again before he picked the frying pan off the floor. Dean was still wearing his clothes as he began to make breakfast.

"Do you need a hand with that?" Castiel asked.

Shocked, Dean whirled around to face him. His facial expression softened when his emerald eyes landed on Castiel. "No, it's ok. I can handle it. I've kinda noticed that you don't really eat breakfast, so I'll let you get ready for the day", he said before turning back to the food. Castiel sighed and walked further into the kitchen; closer to Dean.

"It's not that I don't eat", he began. "It's just... my family never really got along, so we never had any family meals together. We couldn't be in the same room with each other for five minutes without being at each others' throats. I apologise if I offended you when I didn't join you for breakfast. That was not my intention. Old habits, I guess".

Dean shook his head. "It's fine. I wasn't offended. It was unusual, maybe, because Sam and I would always eat together. But, like you said, old habits". Dean was quiet as he began to make the batter for pancakes. "Considering I've never seen you eat, and I think that's unhealthy, would you like to join me for breakfast? I may not be good company, but it's better than eating alone".

Castiel smiled. "I'd love to join you. Now, how can I help?"

Dean's lips edged into a smile as he told Cas what to do. Together, they made chocolate chip pancakes and set up the table. It was 8am when they sat down at the kitchen table to eat breakfast. "So, tell me more about your family", Dean said, trying to start a conversation.

Nervous, Castiel looked down at his food. "Um... it's very complex. My father left a couple years ago, so I was left to the care of my brothers. My brothers are very... competitive. They fight a lot. The more I think about it, that's all they ever seemed to do. Michael is the eldest, so he was kinda left in charge when my father left. Raphael and Luci didn't like that much, but what could they do about it. I'm the youngest of my brothers, which is horrible. I never really got along with them, except for Gabriel. He understood me, cared for me. He was there when I went through some bad times".

He paused. "Gabriel was actually the only one who accepted me and still loved me when I came out to everyone. I'm telling you now, Michael was _not_ happy when I told him. In fact, he actually hit me. If it wasn't for Gabriel, I think he would have done more than just throw me across the room. A couple months after I came out, Gabriel left. And then my life became a living hell. I hated every minute I was there. Everyone was always arguing, I was always getting abused - verbally and physically. After a while, I left too. I had to find my father, but I haven't found him anywhere. It's like he's vanished into thin air. I kinda lost faith in him coming back".

Dean took a mouthful of his drink before saying, "I know the feeling. I'm an expert on dead-beat dads".

Castiel looked at him and raised an eyebrow. Sighing, Dean began to explain.

"It's just Sam and I, now. My dad's dead to me. When our mum died, I had to take care of Sammy. Dad was there, but he wasn't there. He was an alcoholic. He began to drink until he passed out. He'd drink so much and then he'd become... Anyway, John is nothing but a man who claimed to be my father. I was more of a father to Sam than he will ever be. I never really had a childhood. I was too busy caring for Sam. I would have loved to leave as soon as possible, but I couldn't leave Sam. And then he left for college, and I couldn't bring myself to leave John in the state that he was. He needed help, but it got too overwhelming, so I left. And here I am".

Castiel looked at him sympathetically. "By the way, my dad didn't handle me coming out as bi very well, either", he added.

They continued to talk about themselves while they ate breakfast until the front door opened. Sam walked into the kitchen and stopped when he saw them at the table. Dean smirked at his little brother. "How was the date? Did you get to 4th base?" He asked, wiggling his eyebrows. Sam shook his head and joined them at the table.

"When did you start eating breakfast at the table?" Sam asked Castiel.

"I thought it would be nice to have some company for once", he replied. "You know, break the old habits of my family. I think it'll be good for me to socialise before the day starts. My people skills are rusty, so I should probably improve them. And Dean is lovely company". He turned his attention to Dean. "I'm glad I accepted your offer", he said with a smile.

After that, Castiel stood up and declared that he was going to get ready for his lessons. He left the kitchen, and Sam turned to Dean with a smirk. "So, how did last night go?" He asked his older brother. Dean had been watching Castiel leave when Sam had brought him back to reality. He looked at Sam with a clueless expression.

"What?"

He shook his head. "How did last night go?" Sam repeated.

"Oh, the usual: start drinking early, get blind drink, pass out on a bed and woke up early. Nothing out of the ordinary", he smiled.

Sam sighed. "Dean, that's not healthy. And it's definitely not a way to go through life!"

Dean buried his head into his hands. "I have to, Sammy. It's the only option I've got. I need to sleep some time, so the drinking is only to help me. I need it, Sam. After everything I went through, I think I'm entitled to it. I went through a lot of shit. If I want to get drunk every night, I will get drink every night". He saw the concerned look on his brother's face and forced a smile. "Don't worry about me, Sammy. I'm fine".

"But you're not".

Dean stood up and collected the plates. "I'm going to go shower", he stated before leaving Sam alone.

_< 3_

Castiel was leaving the house when he was stopped by Sam. "Cas!" He called out to him. "I need you help". Castiel stopped at the door and stared at Sam as he continued. "Am I right to assume that you saw how drunk Dean was last night?" Castiel nodded. "He needs help, Cas. Serious help. He is carrying so much on his shoulders, but he never lets me help him. I was hoping you could try and get through to him?"

"Why me?"

"He likes you", Sam replied. "And he doesn't see you as someone he has to take care of, so he might be willing to speak to you about it. Could you please try to speak to him?"

"I'll see what I can do".

After Sam thanked him, he left for his lessons at the college. He couldn't concentrate in his lessons because he was too busy thinking about how he was going to speak to Dean. As the day began to end, his anxiety grew with the realisation that he has to speak to Dean. Castiel was dreading it. He didn't know Dean that well, so he wasn't sure he'd speak to him. How would he react?

Eventually, the bell rang and Castiel began to make his way back home. Like the days before, Dean was working on the impala. _This would be the perfect time_ , Castiel thought. Breathing in, he walked towards Dean. "Hello, Dean", he greeted him. Dean looked up from his work and smiled at him.

"Hey, Cas. How was school?"

"It was ok, I guess", he replied. "Um... do you have time to talk?" Dean nodded and leaned against the front of the car. Castiel stood awkwardly as he began to speak. "I wanted to talk to you about your drinking. I've noticed you drink every night, which isn't good for your health, but I know it's what a few people turn to when they are struggling. I just wanted to make sure you're alright?"

Dean cleaned his hands on a dirty rag. "I'm fine, Cas".

Castiel tilted his head slightly, and furrowed his eyebrows. "Are you, though? Really? I know how people behave when they try to hide how they're really feeling. They feel like they shouldn't burden everyone with their problems, but you won't. I'm here to listen. I'm worried about you. You drink all the time and you told me your father was an alcoholic. Sam and I don't want you to become like him".

Dean's face darkened. "I won't", he said, firmly.

Castiel took a small step back. "Yeah, I know. But Sam and I just don't want you to be an alcoholic who gets drunk every night and passes out wherever he can".

Dean stood from his car and towered over Castiel, his face dark. "I'm not!" His voice was deep and dangerous. With that being said, he stormed past Castiel into the house where he retrieves his new bottle of Whiskey. When Castiel entered the house, he tried to convince Dean to put the bottle away, but that only made him mad. "You have no right to tell me how to live my life! We eat breakfast together _once_ , and you think that allows you to give me life advice?! You don't know me! You don't know what I've been through! And you certainly don't know the pain I have to live through every time I wake up! Next time you accuse me of being an alcoholic, think about how much you value your life".

Castiel watched Dean march out the house to finish working on his car. Sighing, Castiel walked to his room where he sat in shame.

_< 3_

     _Dear Journal,_

_I had breakfast with Dean this morning. It was nice; not what I expected. I've never really sat at the table to eat with anyone, not since father left. But it was nice. Dean was great company. I think I might join Sam and Dean one morning, but maybe sometime in the distant future._

_Sam had asked me to speak to Dean because Dean seems to drink a lot. I also found out Dean's father was an alcoholic, so I don't want Dean to go down that same path. When Sam asked me to speak to Dean, I agreed. However, it did not go as planned. I confronted Dean about his problem and he got mad. He seemed adamant that he's fine. I know he's not._

_Sam thought I might have been able to get through to him because, apparently, he likes me. But Dean got angry when I tried to get him to open up to me. He told me he wakes up in pain. Whatever happened to him must have been serious. I just hope one day he can trust me enough to let me in._

_Anyway, until next time,_

_\- Castiel._


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whatever John Winchester had done to Dean while growing up must have traumatised him. I hope to help him somehow.

The next day, Castiel woke up and got ready for the day. Falling into his old habits, Castiel didn't join the Winchesters for breakfast. "Good morning, Sam", he greeted Sam as he entered the kitchen, and Sam smiled at him. "Good morning, Dean", but that resulted in Dean grunting at him as he drank his "coffee". Castiel wasn't sure what was actually in the mug because he's never seen Dean drink anything other than beer.

Sighing, Castiel grabbed his trench coat and left the house for school. The day at school seemed to last eternity when Castiel couldn't stop replaying yesterday's argument with Dean. He saw the way Dean's eyes turned cold, the way his face darkened, the way his whole demeanour changed in such little time. Dean was a puzzle that Castiel was determined to solve, but it seems impossible.

Castiel studies psychology because he wants to know how people think, and why they choose to do what they do. It gives him a better understanding of people, and it's an interesting course. Although he gets high grades, he seems to be unable to understand the way Dean thinks. He has never been so interested in how someone's mind works.

Is it because he's genuinely curious? Or is it because he has a slight crush on Dean?

Castiel tried to focus on the lesson, but his mind would continue conjuring up the two green eyes that burned into his soul with so much hate and rage that it made him want to curl into a ball and die. He has never felt like that before. The greenest eyes he's ever seen would usually be filled with love and happiness, and maybe slight sorrow. But the way Dean looked at him. It made him sick to the stomach. The furious glare mentally killing him. They were filled with so much pain, anger, disgust.

Why is Dean like that?

Castiel was brought back to reality by the sound of the school bell signalling lunch time. With his stomach in knots, he made his way back to the apartment for lunch. Like the days before, Dean was shirtless and working on the car. His music blasting through the speakers and a bottle of beer near him. This time, Castiel walked past him without saying a word, and hid in his room.

He was working on his notes when he heard a knock on the door. Ignoring it, he continued to study. But stubbornness ran in the family for the Winchesters, so it wasn't a surprise that his door opened. Without looking up, Castiel asked, "Can I help you?"

There was silence, until the older Winchester spoke. "I, er, I made you lunch", he explained, walking closer to Castiel to give him the sandwich. Castiel thanked him and waited for him to leave, but he didn't. Dean sat on the edge of Castiel's bed and leaned forward with his arms on his legs. Castiel stopped what he was doing and turned to look at him.

Dean had his head buried in his hands for a while before sighing and looking at Castiel. And there it was, the sorrow and guilt swimming in the emerald eyes that stared back at him. No trace of anger or hatred. In Castiel's opinion, Dean looked broken. And not just torn between doing what he usually does, and doing what he knows is right, but _actually_ broken.

"I'm sorry for the way I reacted yesterday", he began. Castiel was about to stop him from apologising, but Dean cut him off. "Let me speak, ok? I need to say this". He paused for a second, staring at his hands as he twiddled with his fingers. "I shouldn't have yelled at you when all you were doing was looking out for me. It's just... I'm usually the one who has to care for everyone else. That's my job. I've never really had anyone care for me. Hell, I don't even care for me! I couldn't care less!" He breathed in.

"What I'm trying to say is: It's unusual for someone to care for me. I never really had anyone to do that. And I didn't like it. I have spend my entire life worrying about other people, that I don't let anyone worry about me. Whether that's a good or bad thing, I haven't decided yet. I know you and Sam were just looking out for me, and I appreciate it. My dad was an alcoholic, and the thing he became, the things he did... I don't want to be like that. But I have no other options. Without beer, I would be _a lot_ worse than I am now. Just because it kills your liver, doesn't mean it ain't medicine".

Castiel hung to every word that Dean said. He was somewhat opening up to him. Castiel couldn't be happier. "I know what I'm getting myself into. I've been down this road before, and I've pulled myself out. And I'll do it again. I don't need you, or Sam, worrying about me".

"Dean", Castiel said, his first words since this morning. "We worry about you because we care about you. I don't care that you're older, we worry about you. That's what people do: they worry about the people they care about. Sam and I want you to be happy and healthy. Drinking until you are blind drunk every night is not healthy. Maybe you should try and find another way to help you. Alcohol is not medicine".

Dean sighed and looked down at his hands. "Can you promise me something?" He asks, not looking away from his hands.

"Sure, what is it?"

"What I'm about to tell you, promise you won't mention it to Sam?" Dean voice almost broke near the end. And almost broke Castiel's heart, so obviously he agreed. Dean hesitated for a while, but soon began talking again. "I drink a lot to help me sleep", he began. "Without it, it's impossible. Every night, I dream the same thing: my dad chasing me, trying to kill me. It's been going on for a few years now. At first, I thought it was just a one-off, but then it happened every night. I turned to drinking to stop it. It takes a while, but I eventually get so drunk I pass out. That allows me to get the usual 4 hours sleep that I need. But I always wake up because of the same dream. No matter how much I drink, no matter what I do, I always dream about it. I don't know what's wrong with me".

"Nothing's wrong with you, Dean", Castiel began. "Dreaming of being chased usually means you are avoiding an issue, or a person. In this case, it's your father. And dreaming of being harmed shows that you have unresolved internal conflict. Maybe there is conflict between you and your father, and you're avoiding him. But maybe you want to solve it and you're struggling to decide. Nothing's wrong with you".

"How do you know that?" Dean asked with an eyebrow raised in surprise.

"I study psychology at the college, and we've studied the meaning behind certain dreams", he explained. "Back to the problem at hand, maybe you should try letting go of your father. He seems to be bringing you so much pain, it's not good. You don't have to speak to him, you don't even have to think of him. Try letting go of all the bad memories you have of him, and we'll work from there".

Dean smiled at him. "Thanks, I'll give it a go".

He stood up to leave when he stopped at the door. He turned to face Castiel and said, "Do you wanna help me cook dinner? Sam should be home soon and I'm sure he'll be hungry". Castiel smiled and accepted, leaving his work on his desk. Together, they worked in the kitchen to cook dinner. Dean was playing his music and singing quietly as he slightly danced to the rhythm.

It was a beautiful sight.

_< 3_

When Sam arrived home, he smelt the sweet aromas of food. He smiled as he hung his coat and left his shoes by the door before walking into the kitchen. The sight before him was heavenly. His brother and room mate were dancing and singing to music as they prepared dinner. Sam stood in the doorway as he watched them together. He hadn't seen his brother smile that wide in so long, and his anti-social room mate was enjoying the company of someone.

It wasn't until Dean turned to prepare the table when Sam's presence was known. "Heya, Sammy! How was school?" Dean asked as he set out the place mats and plates with the cutlery. Sam sat down at the table and smiled at his older brother.

"Endurable", he replied. "How was your day?"

Dean shrugged his shoulder and said, "The usual". He turned around to help Castiel with the Sheppard's Pie they made. Castiel dished out the food while Dean made everyone drinks: Castiel had water, Sam had orange juice, and Dean had beer. The three of them sat down at the table and ate together, talking about random stuff that happened throughout the day.

"So, what happened between you two?" Sam asked. Castiel and Dean stopped eating and looked up at him, confused. "If I recall, you seemed pretty mad at Cas this morning", he said to Dean. "You didn't even greet him, so what happened? What did I miss?"

"Dean apologised for yesterday and explained himself", Castiel explained. "Which he didn't need to do".

Sam looked at them quizzically. "Really?" He asked in disbelief. "Dean apologising? Dean never apologises".

"Well, he did", Castiel confirmed. "But he didn't need to because I was the one who over stepped. Anyway, it's resolved. No more awkward tension".

After that being said, they dove back into conversation and spoke for the remaining time at the table.

Once everyone had finished, they worked together to clean up. Dean washed the dishes, Castiel dried and put them away, and Sam cleaned the kitchen counter and table. Sam finished before Dean and Castiel, so he sat on the couch and watched them do the dishes. They stood so close to each other as they spoke and laughed together. Sam hadn't seen Dean that happy since they were kids.

"Dean definitely like him", Sam whispered to himself.

Eventually, all the chores were done and the three of them sat on the couch to watch films together. Like always, Dean had a bottle of alcohol with him so he could pass out again. Except, this time was different. This time, Castiel knew why he was drinking.

_< 3_

_Dear Journal,_

_Dean spoke to me today. He apologised for yelling at me yesterday, which he didn't have to, and he opened up to me. Not completely, but slightly. He told me why he yelled at me and he told me why he drinks. He knows that drinking is bad for him - he's watched what his father had become. He doesn't want to become John Winchester._

_But he explained why he drinks. He has insomnia. He can't sleep for more than 4 hours without alcohol. It's his "medicine", as he describes it. It allows him to sleep longer. He told me that he has the same reoccurring dream every night; it's been going on for quite some time now. I promised I wouldn't tell Sam, but Dean really needs help._

_Every night, Dean dreams of his father chasing him and trying to kill him. Every night. The same nightmare. That's hell. Whatever John Winchester had done to Dean while growing up must have traumatised him. I hope to help him somehow._

_Anyway, until next time,_

_\- Castiel._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost forgot to post a new chapter, oops.  
> I hope everyone is enjoying the story so far.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean is such a beautiful person. And I don't mean his appearance, although he is very attractive. But I seriously believe that he has a beautiful soul. He puts so much heart and soul into the things he cares about. He gives too much of himself to help everyone, and he doesn't expect anything in return. It's unfortunate that he has no self-love.
> 
> I hope I can be the one who helps him love himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING! There is a mention of suicide in this chapter.

Castiel woke up to the sound of something heavy hitting the floor near his bedroom. He looked over to the clock on the night stand and read _3:06am_. Sighing, he climbed out of bed to investigate the noise. When he opened his bedroom door, he saw Dean sitting against the wall next to his door with an almost empty bottle of whiskey in his hand. Dean looked up at him and smiled. Castiel could see that he was drunk.

Quietly, he sat in front of Dean with his legs crossed. "Dean, what are you doing? It's 3am", he whispered. Dean looked down at the bottle in his hand and put his head against the wall and closed his eyes. With the bathroom being the only source of light, Castiel almost missed the tears that fell down Dean's cheek.

He was crying.

"I want it to end", Dean mumbled.

Castiel frowned. "Want what to end?"

"Everything", he replied. "The pain, the anger. All of it. I want it all to stop. I want life to stop".

That caught Castiel's attention. He moved closer to Dean and took the bottle from him. Carefully, he held Dean's hands and spoke in a soft voice. "You're tired, and drunk. Maybe we should get you to bed, ok? We can talk about it tomorrow. I'll call the college and tell them I'm ill. When Sam leaves, we'll talk alone. I'll help you. We'll figure this out together, alright? You don't mean anything you're saying right now".

Dean shook his head. "No, I do. I do. I don't want to be here. I don't want to live".

Castiel sighed. "Ok, but we should talk about it before you do anything stupid. And I can't talk to you when you're dunk. Let's get you to bed". Castiel stood up and helped Dean to his feet. As he grabbed Dean's right hand, he felt something wet in his hand. He looked down and saw a red liquid. Panicking, Castiel grabbed Dean's hand. "What happened?"

Dean's hand was cut and covered in blood. "I fell".

Castiel guided Dean to the kitchen where he began to clean the wound. They stood at the sink as they washed away the blood. Dean began to apologise, but Castiel stopped him. "It's fine. You don't have to apologise. You've done nothing wrong. Everyone has bad days. We'll work it out, I promise. And I promise not to tell Sam about this".

Dean looked at Castiel with admiration. "Thank you".

Castiel smiled and sat him at the table as he got the first aid kit. Carefully, he began to remove the glass shards that were still in Dean's palm. Then he cleaned the wound more before wrapping it up in a bandage. It was almost 4am when he was leading Dean to his bedroom. Dean fell onto the bed and began to fall asleep while Castiel cleaned away the broken glass near his door. Dean had accidentally smashed a glass as he fell, which resulted in him cutting his hand.

When Castiel returned to his room, Dean was asleep on his bed so he sat at his desk and watched over him. He's always been curious about Dean. And now that he knows about the reoccurring night mares, he wants to observe Dean and understand him more. Maybe he could solve part of the impossible puzzle that appears to be Dean.

While Castiel watched over him, he began to write in his journal.

_< 3_

Dean woke up when someone was whispering his name and shaking him away. Startled, he jumped up and grabbed whoever was waking him. "Woah! It's me! Castiel!" Dean focused his vision and saw a frightened Castiel standing in front of him. His hair was a mess and his wide blue eyes stared back at him in fear. Slowly, Dean released him.

"Sorry", he grumbled.

"It's fine", Castiel replied. "I just came to wake you up. I made breakfast for you, and Sam wanted me to tell you that he stocked up on painkillers to help with your hangovers. He knew you got drunk again". Dean sat up and frowned at him. "It's 10am. I suggest you get out of bed and eat breakfast before it goes cold". Castiel began to leave his room when Dean spoke up in a husky voice.

"What happened last night?"

Castiel smiled at him and said, "I'll tell you while you eat breakfast".

Dean rolled out of bed and followed Castiel into the kitchen. The smell of pancakes filled his nose. He slumped into a chair at the table as he drank the water Castiel offered him. As he reached for the glass, he noticed the bandage wrapped around his hand. "What the-" he started. "What did I do last night?" He asked as he inspected his injury.

Castiel joined him at the table and began to explain. "You were drinking again", he explained. "You woke me up at 3am by falling, that's how you cut your hand. You were sitting outside my room on the floor. The broken glass was next to you, and you were still drinking your beer. Do you remember anything from last night? Maybe our conversation?"

"No", Dean said with his head in his hands as he tried to deal with his headache.

"I told you that we we're going to have a serious talk when you sober up", Castiel replied. "You said you wanted everything to stop". Dean's body stiffened when he said that. "You wanted to end your life. Do you realise what that means? You'll be leaving everyone you care about. Sam won't have his big brother to care for him. Baby won't have such a caring owner". He paused. "I won't have the annoyingly perfect person to keep me company, and bring me out of my shell".

Dean buried his head in his hands, refusing to look at Castiel.

"Ending your life may end your suffering, but it will have devastating affects on those who care about you. You may not care about yourself, but many people do. We want you to be happy. We want you to be healthy. We want you alive. Everyone goes through bad times in their lives, but without those bad times, how would we see all the good? We need the bad to let us appreciate the good. But pain is only temporary. You can fight through this. I know you can because you're not alone".

Dean looked up to meet sapphire blue eyes staring at him. "I know. I'm sorry. I was just at a really low point mentally, I just had to do something. I'm sorry I woke you up so early", he apologised. Castiel reached across the table and placed his hand on Dean's bicep.

"You don't have to apologise", he stated. "I get it. I've been there, too. I know what it's like to want everything to stop, to end all that pain you're feeling. Unlike you, I had to deal with it alone. I had no one. My brothers couldn't care less about what happened to me. My father was out of the picture. My mother's dead. I had no one to turn to. I went down a dark path until I found my calling".

Dean looked at him with a tired expression. "If you start preaching about religion, I will hit you", he threatened.

Castiel smiled. "I guess you're not a believer?"

Dean shook his head and folded his arms onto the table. "No. I don't believe there is a higher power. I don't believe there is an all-loving, all-powerful God. I don't believe there are angels watching over us".

"But Sam does".

"Yeah, and do you know who else had faith like that?" Dean asked. "My mum", he answered. "She used to tuck me into bed every night and tell me angels are watching over us. But where were they when she died? Where were those so called ' _angels_ ' that were supposed to protect us when she died saving Sammy? She had faith, and where did that get her? Burned alive trying to save her son. Sue me if I don't have faith".

Dean's expressions had turned cold and he looked away from Castiel. Castiel was silent for a while - he didn't know what to say.

"Ok", Castiel began. "I say we spend the day having a movie marathon. We're going to have a chill day. No stress, no worries, no nothing. We're going to relax and enjoy the day. Sound good to you?" Dean agreed, a small smile forming at his lips. "Good. Now eat your breakfast so we can start the day". Dean began to eat his breakfast while Castiel set up the living room.

As Dean was joining Castiel on the couch, he spoke up. "Cas?" He got a hum in response. "Why are you doing this? Why would you stop me from ending it all?" Castiel looked at Dean with a frown. "You could have let me drown myself in alcohol last night, but you stopped me. You helped me, and cared for me even though I was in a really bad state. Why?"

Castiel was turned to face him on the couch. "You looked like you were going through Hell. I wanted to help".

Confusion painted Dean's face. "Why would _you_ rescue _me_ from Hell?"

Castiel titled his head slightly as he tried to read Dean. Dean seemed impossible to understand. And then it dawned on him. "You don't think you deserve to be saved", he whispered.

Dean looked guilty, but didn't break eye contact with Castiel. They continued to stare at each other before Castiel spoke. "You deserve so much, Dean Winchester. You have no idea. You do so much for your family, and your friends. You've cared for me, and you've only known me for a couple of days. You are a blessing, Dean. Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise".

Dean sighed. "I kinda can't when my dad's voice still rings in my head".

"What did I tell you about him?!" Castiel asked, slightly annoyed. "Stop focusing on all his wrong doings, it'll only make you feel worse!"

"Yeah, you're right", Dean replied. "Let's begin the movie marathon".

They spent the remainder of the day watching Netflix together.

_< 3_

_Dear Journal,_

_Dean woke me up at 3am this morning. He was drunk, again, but it's the worst I've ever seen him. He was sitting on the floor with an empty bottle in his hand. He was contemplating suicide. A beautiful, caring person wanted to kill himself. It was heartbreaking. I always knew he carried so much pain, but I didn't expect it to be this bad. I tried to help him the best I could._

_I'm going to skip school and spend the day with Dean. He obviously needs help, and I know he wouldn't let Sam help him because that's who Dean is. I am going to talk to him about suicide. I know how it feels, so maybe I can relate to him? I hope so, he deserves so much. And he shouldn't have to deal with this alone. I wish I had someone when I was this low.  
_

_Dean is such a beautiful person. And I don't mean his appearance, although he is very attractive. But I seriously believe that he has a beautiful soul. He puts so much heart and soul into the things he cares about. He gives too much of himself to help everyone, and he doesn't expect anything in return. It's unfortunate that he has no self-love._

_I hope I can be the one who helps him love himself._

_Anyway, until next time,_

_\- Castiel._


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully, he now knows that he can speak to me if he ever needs to.

Sam returned home later than usual because his lessons had ran overtime. When he arrived home, he expected to smell food, maybe hear music, but it was silent. He hung his coat and placed his shoes by the door before searching the house. The house seemed unnaturally quiet. The kitchen was empty: the clean dishes had dried over the course of the day. Sam turned to the living room and noticed the TV was on.

' _Would you like to continue watching Netflix?_ ' Was shown on the TV.

Sam entered the room to see Dean and Cas cuddling on the couch. Cas had his head on Dean's chest, and Dean had his arm wrapped around Cas. It was a beautiful sight. Sam took a quick picture before placing a blanket over them. Sam decided to settle on cereal for dinner so he wouldn't wake them up. Turning the TV off as he left the living room, he ate his dinner in his room while doing homework.

_< 3_

Castiel woke up to the sun in his eyes. He was in the living room with a blanket over him. But that wasn't all. He had someone's arms wrapped around him. Who was he cuddling? Carefully, he sat up looked at the person he was lying on. Dean was sleeping peacefully next to him. They had fallen asleep together. Castiel felt his cheeks redden as he thought about sleeping next to Dean.

Slowly, he got off the couch and placed the blanket over Dean, watching him for a couple seconds, before going to his room. He saw the clock on his night stand and read _5_ _:58am_. His alarm would be going off in 2 minutes. _Did I really sleep that long?_ , he thought. He remembered spending the day with Dean, but he doesn't remember falling asleep.

He looked at his desk and realised he hadn't written in his journal last night, so he sat down and began to write.

_< 3_

Dean woke up alone on the couch. He looked around to see if anyone else was awake. Checking his watch, he saw it was 6am. "Time to get up", he told himself. He got off the couch and began to cook breakfast. It wasn't long until Sam joined him in the kitchen, greeting each other with the usual "Good morning". Sam sat at the table while his brother cooked.

As Dean was serving breakfast, Castiel joined them. Dean seemed happy about Castiel sitting with them, although he tried to hide it. The three of them ate breakfast while making small talk. Once Castiel had finished, he left to get ready for his lessons; leaving Sam and Dean alone. Sam turned to his brother to see Dean smiling while watching Castiel leave.

_Yep,_ he thought, _he definitely likes him_.

"How did you sleep last night?" Sam asked with a smirk.

Dean shrugged his shoulders and continued to eat. "I slept ok, I guess", he replied. "I think I may have drank a lot last night because I don't remember much. I'm just surprised that I don't have a hangover". Sam couldn't stop a smile forming on his lips.

"I'm sure you did", Sam said, playfully.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Dean asked.

"Nothing", Sam smiled and began to get ready for school.

Dean began to clean the kitchen when Castiel appeared. He was dressed for school, but he seemed hesitant. "Will you be alright today? Or do you want me to call in sick again?" Castiel asked, nervous. Dean stood still, thinking about it. _Another day with Cas would be fun_ , he thought.

Dean smiled at him, but said, "Nah. You should really go to school if you want a future. Don't ruin your life because of me". Although Dean would love to spend another day with Cas, he couldn't bring himself to deprive him of his education. Dean may be annoying, but he ain't a dick. Castiel gave a small smile before leaving for college.

When Castiel left, so did Dean's smile.

_< 3_

Almost like deja vu, Castiel found Dean shirtless while working on his car. Castiel began to stare at the toned torso that was covered in pale white scars. After a couple seconds, they made eye contact. Dean sent him a flirtatious wink, earning a small smile and a blush from Castiel. He hurried inside before he could embarrass himself any more.

He sat in his room doing revision when there was a slight knock. "Come in!" Castiel called, without looking up from his desk. The door opened and Dean entered with a plate of food. Castiel looked up and smiled when he saw Dean with the plate. It's almost become a routine now: Dean making and delivering Castiel lunch while he revises (or does homework).

"Lunch time", Dean stated.

"Thank you", Castiel replied before finishing his sentence.

"Do you do anything other than school work?" Dean asked.

"Um... not really. I like to read".

Dean rolled his eyes. "That's unacceptable!" He declared. "You should get out more! Since it's Friday, we should go out for drinks".

Castiel's eyes widened. _Drinking? With other people?!,_ he thought. "What?! N-no. I-I'll just stay in tonight".

Dean shook his head. "No. We are going out for drinks, and I'm not taking no as an answer. You need to let loose! Staying in all day and doing work must be boring. I promise, you won't regret it. It'll be me, you and Sammy. We'll head out about 9 and go to that bar in town. It'll be a nice break from all the work you've been doing. Honestly, that's all I've seen you do since I've been here, so I'm forcing you to have a break".

"I had a break yesterday", Castiel said.

"And? You can have more than 1 break, y'know", Dean explained. "It's not a crime to allow yourself to have a break from everything and have fun. It's good to let loose once in a while. So, tonight, we're going into town and have a few drinks. Be ready to leave by 9", Dean said before leaving Castiel's room, and before Castiel could protest.

_< 3_

When Sam arrived home, Dean and Castiel were cooking in the kitchen again. Dean was grinning from ear to ear as he danced and sang with Castiel. They both seemed happy, which made Sam smile. Sam greeted them and sat down at the table while Dean and Castiel served dinner. When everyone sat down, they began to talk about their day.

"Oh", Dean gasped. "Tonight, we're going out for drinks at 9".

"Tonight?" Sam asked. "I can't. I've got a date with Jess. I would-".

"Wait!" Dean interrupted him. "You're telling me, you can't come out for a couple drinks before your date?"

"No", he replied. "Jess and I have our date at 9:30. Sorry, but have fun without me". Sam stood up and placed his empty plate in the sink before leaving to get ready for his date with his girlfriend. Dean watched him, dumbfound. When Sam entered his room, Dean and Castiel were left alone. Castiel sat awkwardly in the silence that suffocated him.

"Unbelievable!" Dean breathed. He turned his attention to Castiel. "I guess it's just us then", he said with a smile.

Castiel felt his cheeks flush and quickly finished his dinner. He stood up from the table and said, "I should go get ready, then". He left Dean to do the dishes while he and Sam got ready for their nights. While Castiel was in the shower, he was thinking about the night out with Dean at the bar. The two of them. Alone.

"It's fine", he whispered to himself. "It's just two friends getting drinks together. Are we friends? I see him as a friend. Or is he just my best friend's brother? Who I happen to have a crush on. I can't let him know that, though. It would ruin everything. He may not feel the same way, even though he flirts all the time. But maybe it was playful flirting? Or does he actually find me attractive?"

Castiel was brought out of his thoughts by a bang on the bathroom door. "Hurry up, Cas!" Dean's deep voice called through the door. "Other people need to use the bathroom too!" Once again, his face turned red as he quickly got out the shower. Wrapping a towel around his waist, he grabbed his laundry and left the bathroom. Dean was standing on the other side of the door so Castiel almost walked into him.

He noticed Dean staring at him as he walked past him to his room. Dean's gaze followed him until he shut the door. _How am I going to survive tonight?_ , he thought. Sighing, he turned to his wardrobe and began to get ready.

_< 3_

By 8:55pm, Dean and Castiel were getting ready to leave when Sam left his room. "Before I forget", Sam began as he walked towards them. "I'm staying the night at Jess', so I won't be here tonight. Please don't get too drunk. I don't want to come home to find either one of you passed out on the floor, or in the hospital. I won't be here to help you, and I don't want to be worried all night".

Castiel smiled and reassured him. "We won't be getting blind drunk, I promise. We'll be able to walk home and not break anything".

Sam sighed. "Ok, go have fun".

Dean and Castiel left the house and began to walk to the bar nearby. They were talking about random things, getting to know each other better. The early Autumn weather was nice as they strolled to the bar five minutes away. Dean wanted to drive his baby, but Castiel insisted that they walk so then they wouldn't have to worry about the car while they're drunk. Drink driving would not be a good idea.

After a peaceful walk, they arrived at the bar. And that's when the night began.

_< 3_

_Dear Journal,_

_I spent the day with Dean yesterday. It was fun, we had a movie marathon so it was just a chill day. But I did talk to him about the suicide. I explained to him what it meant to end his life, and the impact it would have on those who cared for him. I even mentioned my own personal experience, which encouraged him to tell me about the death of his mum._

_Hopefully, he now knows that he can speak to me if he ever needs to._

_Dean is forcing me out tonight for drinks. I'm always nervous around him, and I don't know why. Luckily, Sam will be with us so it won't be too awkward. Why do I feel this way towards him?_

_Anyway, until next time,_

_\- Castiel._


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last night got a bit... heated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are some homophobic slurs/statements in this chapter. I hope I don't offend anyone

Castiel woke up and felt a strong arm wrapped around his waist. Slowly, he looked over his shoulder and saw Dean sleeping next to him. Dean was shirtless, and so was Castiel. Panicking, Castiel lift the duvet slightly, hoping he had on underwear. He didn't. Castiel sighed as he put his arm down to cover himself. He turned to lie on his back and looked at Dean sleeping peacefully next to him.

_I slept with Dean_ , Castiel thought.

Carefully, Castiel crawled out of bed and pulled on a pair of sweatpants. Quietly, he left his room and entered the kitchen to get some coffee to help with his hangover. While he was making his coffee, he couldn't stop thinking about last night. "Did I really sleep with Dean?" He asked himself in a quiet whisper. "He's my best friend's brother, it seems wrong. Maybe it was just a drunk mistake? Yeah, it was definitely a drunk moment. But do I regret it?"

Not long after Castiel woke up, Dean stirred awake. He looked around the room and recognised it as Castiel's. Confused, he looked under the duvet and saw his naked body. Realisation occurred and he put his hand over his eyes. "I slept with Cas", he whispered. Sitting up, he looked around the room and saw his clothes lying on the floor.

After he was covered, he left Castiel's room. When he entered the kitchen, he saw Castiel leaning against the counter with a mug in his hand while he stared into space. Awkwardly, Dean walked closer to Castiel and bringing him back to reality. They didn't make eye contact, didn't even speak to each other. Dean grabbed a mug of coffee and sat at the table.

They were silent for a while until Dean spoke up. "Did we...?"

Finally, they made eye contact. The sky blue eyes stared into the emerald green ones. "I think we did", he admitted. "I don't really remember. What do you remember from last night?" Slowly, he joined Dean at the table where they began to figure out what had happened last night because everything was a blur to them both.

"The last thing I remember", Dean began. "Was us sitting back at the bar after I hit some guy".

_< 3_

Dean and Castiel entered the bar and found two empty seats. Castiel seemed hesitant to order, but Dean took charge and ordered them both shots of whiskey. About an hour into drinking, they were drunk and enjoying each other's company. Unfortunately, nature called for Castiel. "Excuse me, I gotta use the bathroom", he informed Dean.

When Castiel was making his way back to Dean, he accidentally bumped into a guy, and slightly touched his butt. The guy turned around in anger and began to yell at Castiel. "WHAT THE FUCK, DUDE! I AIN'T NO HOMO! GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!" Castiel was stunned. He may have had a couple to drink, but he wasn't dumb enough to fight.

"Sorry", he apologised. "It was an accident".

"YEAH! YOU WILL BE!"

Before the guy could hit Castiel, a huge figure intervened. "He said he was sorry", a deep and husky voice said. Castiel recognised the figure as Dean. He was standing between Castiel and the homophobic. He looked so brave as he stood in Castiel's defence. Castiel's heart fluttered as he watched Dean defend him. No one had ever done that before.

"Aww", the homophobic mocked. "Protecting your boyfriend?"

"Yeah, maybe I am!" Dean said, confidence radiating off his body. The homophobic looked shocked, but soon recovered and tried to say a snarky comment. Dean shook his head and turned to Castiel. "Come on, let's go back to the bar", he said as he began to push Castiel in the right direction. While they were walking back to the bar, the homophobic followed them.

"HEY! FAGGOTS!" He yelled.

He reached for Dean's shoulder, but Dean turned around and swung at the guy. He stumbled back from the blow. Everyone stopped to watch the commotion. Dean's expression darkened and became stern as he marched towards the homophobic. They began to fight each other - Dean was very skilled in fighting so it was technically him beating up the homophobic.

Once the guy was lying on the floor with a busted nose, blood dripping everywhere, Dean was pulled away by someone. He was turned around to be faced with concerned blue eyes staring back at him. Castiel slowly walked him back to the bar while trying to calm him down. They sat down in their seats at the bar where Dean got ice for his bruising knuckles.

"Thank you", Castiel said.

Dean looked up and smiled at him. "Of course, anytime", he replied before examining his bruises. Reaching for his shot, Dean threw the alcohol down his throat. It would help with the pain eventually. Until then, he wanted to get drunk even more. "Ok, enough depressing shit. We still have the entire night to enjoy. That son of a bitch is not going to ruin it for us. This night is going to be the best you've had in your entire life".

Castiel raised his shot and said, "I'll drink to that".

They continued the night drinking more until they were stumbling out of the bar laughing hysterically. Dean had his arm around Castiel as they stumbled up the street. "Oh my God!" Dean breathed. "I haven't laughed that hard in ages! Years, even!" They continued to laugh and joke as they walked back home.

When they entered the empty house, they removed their shoes and walked further into the house. They didn't want the night to end so they had a couple more drinks in the kitchen while the danced to Dean's music. It was the best night Castiel had ever had, and he wanted it to last forever. While they were dancing in each others arms - Dean was teaching Castiel how to dance - they were getting closer to each other. Their chests were pressed against each other as they stared at each other.

They were staring into each other's eyes for a while. Slowly, they began to lean into each other until, eventually, their lips connected. Their eyes closed as they focused on the kiss. Dean's hands rested on Castiel's hips, pulling him closer, and Castiel held Dean's face in his hands. They moved in sync with each other as they explored each other's mouths.

When they pulled apart, they were breathless. Dean let his forehead rest on Castiel's as he caught his breath. "I think it's save to assume the feelings are mutual", Dean joked, earning a smile from Castiel.

"Shut up and kiss me again", Castiel said, bringing their lips together again. This time, their kiss became very heated and Castiel began to back into his bedroom while trying to remove Dean's clothing. Dean copied Castiel's actions until they were both shirtless on Castiel's bed - Dean hovering over Castiel. Eager, they began to tug at each other's trousers to get each other naked.

_< 3_

"So we did sleep together?" Dean asked.

"Yeah, I guess we did", Castiel confirmed.

Dean looked down at his coffee before saying, "I think we should keep this between us".

Castiel looked up at him in disappointment. "Yeah, I think that'll be for the best", he lied.

"It's not that I don't want this", Dean began to explain. "It's just... the last-"

He was cut off by the front door opening, followed by Sam yelling, "Hey! I'm home!"

Dean looked at Castiel. "We'll finish this later", he said as he stood up to greet Sam. "Heya, Sammy! How was your night with Jess?" He asked before drinking his coffee. Sam entered with a small smile on his face.

"It's none of your business", he replied. "How was your night?"

"It was great! Got drunk, got into a bar fight, can't remember much from last night. That's how I know it was good". Sam shook his head and walked towards the kettle to get a coffee.

"I'm going to go for a shower before heading to the library", Castiel said, placing his mug in the sink and leaving. Dean couldn't help himself - he watched Castiel leave with a small smirk on his lips. He was brought out of his thoughts by the sound of Sam placing his mug on the counter. Dean realised where he was and quickly drank his coffee.

"Yeah, um, I'm going to finish working on baby", he declared before leaving the house.

_< 3_

When Castiel sat down in the library, he pulled out his journal and began to write. He had forgotten to write in it last night because he was... preoccupied. He couldn't stop thinking about last night. He had slept with Dean. Now things were going to be awkward in the house. _I can't believe I slept with my best friend's brother,_ he thought to himself.

He was slightly disappointed that Dean didn't want it to be anything but a one-night stand, but what could he do? What was he to expect? They have only known each other for a week! Of course Dean didn't want to be anything but friends. The sleeping together was a drunken mistake. And Castiel will never let it happen again.

However, he couldn't stop himself. He liked Dean, he really did, but Dean doesn't like him like that. He had to remind himself of that so he doesn't do anything else stupid. Dean is nothing but his best friend's brother, and nothing more. He isn't even his friend. They are acquaintances. And there will never be anything romantic between them.

_< 3_

_Dear Journal,_

_Last night got a bit... heated._

_I woke up in bed with Dean lying next to me. Yes, we did. I'm still trying to process everything. I mean - I know I have a crush on him, but I didn't expect myself to do that. It's just so surreal. Dean and I spoke this morning about it, and we have decided not to tell anyone. It was a drunken mistake. It was a one off. Both of us were under the influence of alcohol, and it didn't mean anything._

_But I can't stop feeling disappointed that Dean didn't want it to become anything. I thought he may have liked me. All the flirtations he did whenever I was near him. I guess I over thought everything. I should have known better. After everything I've done, I don't deserve someone like Dean. He's too good for me anyway. He's too perfect._

_He's tall, handsome, strong, caring, smart, selfless, maybe a bit reckless. And those eyes, god those eyes! The greenest eyes I've ever seen, and when rays of sun touch them... ugh, I could stare at them forever. They sparkle like emeralds. He is just amazing. I've never felt this way about anyone before._

_But he doesn't see me like that._

_Why did I have to fall in love with my best friend's brother?_


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He hadn't even talked to Castiel about last night.

Dean had finally finished cleaning his baby when he checked the time: _7pm._ Cleaning up, he walked inside the house in search of Castiel so he could finish their conversation from this morning. When he checked Castiel's room, it was empty. Confused, he checked the bathroom. Not there either. He searched the house, but Castiel wasn't there.

_Where is he?_ , he thought.

Dean barged into Sam's room. "Where's Cas? He isn't in his room and I haven't seen him all day", he said. Sam furrowed his brows and shrugged his shoulders. _Where could he be?,_ Dean thought. Sam grabbed his phone and began to ring Castiel. Eager, Dean sat on the edge of the bed and waited for Sam to speak. He was praying that he was fine.

"No answer", Sam said. "He's usually back by now".

Dean stood up from the bed. "You walk around town and see if you can find him. I'll drive around", Dean instructed. Sam did as he was told, and they began to search for Castiel. Dean jumped into his car and sped off down the road. He was gripping the steering wheel with so much force, his knuckles turned white. He was worried that something bad had happened to Castiel.

And he had every right to.

_< 3_

Castiel was walking back home from the library when he heard someone yell from behind him. Turning around, he recognised the guy as the homophobic that Dean had fought the previous night at the bar. Castiel's heart began to race as the man marched towards him. He began to back away, but the homophobic threw him into an alley, pinning him to the wall.

"Your boyfriend ain't here to save ya now", the homophobic grinned.

_Yep,_ he thought, _I'm definitely going to die._

"Look", Castiel began. "I don't want any trouble. I was just going home. Whatever I did to offend you, I apologise. I was kinda drunk last night".

"Oh, no. You ain't getting off that easy", he said, pushing harder into Castiel's chest. "Your boyfriend broke my nose and got blood on my favourite shirt. He's gotta pay somehow, so why not hurt someone he cares about?" He said with a smirk. Before Castiel could comprehend what was happening, he was punched in the stomach. He hunched over in pain.

The homophobic pushed him against the wall and punched his stomach again. And again. And again. Castiel collapsed to the ground in pain, coughing up blood. While he was trying to catch his breath, he was kicked to the ground. He lay on his back for a while until the homophobic grabbed him by the shirt and began to punch him across the face repeatedly.

After a while, he stopped and stepped back. Castiel lay on the ground in agony. He tried to to stand up, he lost his balance and stumbled towards the homophobic, who stepped towards Castiel with something in his hand. Cold sharp metal pierced the skin at the side of Castiel's stomach. He gasped in pain, and placed a hand over the wound. The homophobic stepped back, pulling the knife out of Castiel, and grinned at him before leaving him alone.

Castiel stumbled and fell to the floor, clutching his stab wound. His back was against the cold stone wall as he closed his eyes and waited for death to take him.

_< 3_

While Dean was driving around, he was looking everywhere for Castiel. It wasn't until he drove past an alley when he noticed a figure sitting on the floor. Hopeful, he parked the impala and walked towards the alley. When he got closer, his stomach dropped and his heart stopped.

Castiel was sitting on the floor covered in blood. His head was resting against the wall with his eyes closed.

"Cas?!" Dean yelled in panic. He dropped to Castiel's side to analyse his condition. Slowly, his eyes opened and tears fell. Dean cupped his face and inspected the forming bruises on his face. He had a busted lip, a bloody nose, a swelling eye, and a small gash on his cheek. "Cas? Can you hear me? Are you alright? What happened?" He asked with urgency.

Castiel frowned. "Dean?" He whispered.

Dean smiled. "Yeah, it's me". His smile vanished when he noticed Castiel was holding his side. All the colour drained from Dean's face as he gently moved Castiel's hand. Blood was oozing out of the wound. Dean pressed his hand against it to stop the bleeding. Castiel hissed through his teeth at the pain. "Hey, Cas. It's going to be ok. I'm here. You're ok. You're going to be fine, I promise. It's just a small cut. It's not that bad. It's not that bad", he reassured him.

Castiel's eyes became heavy and he was trying to stay awake. Dean noticed and began to panic. "No no no no", Dean panicked. "Cas, listen to me. You have to stay awake, ok? Listen to my voice. Listen to my voice. I need you to stay awake for me. Can you do that?" He nodded. "Good. I need you to talk to me. Tell me about your day".

While Castiel began to talk, Dean phoned an ambulance. When the call ended, Dean put his full attention on Castiel. "My day was boring", Castiel whispered. "I do the same thing everyday. I went to the library and did my homework. I even revised for no reason. It's not very interesting. But I want to hear about your day. What did you do?"

"No, Cas. I need you to keep talking", Dean urged.

Castiel shook his head. "Please? I like the sound of your voice".

Dean sighed and began to speak. "My day was boring too. I finally fixed my baby, and I cleaned her. She's as good as new. I'll take you on a drive when you're feeling better. I think you'll enjoy it". Castiel's eyes began to close. Dean was thinking the worse, but he wanted to keep Castiel calm. "My dad gave me the car. Actually, I stole it from him when I was 20. My dad never drove her, and she deserves to be on the road, so I took her. At first, my dad was furious and got me arrested. But he dropped the charges when I got home. I think it would have been better to be put in jail. The way he reacted... I wished I was far away. I'm just glad Sammy wasn't there to see what he did".

While Dean was talking, the ambulance turned up, and paramedics raced to Castiel. Dean was pushed away, forced to watch Castiel get transferred to the vehicle. When Dean tried to get in with him, the paramedics stopped him because he wasn't family. Dean cursed under his breath before running back to the car to follow behind the ambulance.

His hands were still covered in blood when he phoned Sam to tell him he found Castiel. He explained the situation and told Sam to meet him at the hospital as soon as possible. Castiel's belongings were next to Dean as he followed the ambulance. His bag had blood splattered over it, smudging it over the leather seat on the impala.

Finally, they arrived at the hospital and Dean was forced to sit in the waiting room. He couldn't sit. He paced back and forth in the room while trying to calm himself down. It wasn't until Sam ran towards him when he finally stopped panicking. Correction - he pretended not to be panicking because Sam was there. Dean was so scared right now.

He hadn't even talked to Castiel about last night.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Do you believe the attack was a hate crime?" The police questioned.
> 
> Castiel hesitated. "Yes".

Sam and Dean were called by a doctor not long after Castiel had been rushed into hospital for an emergency operation. Dean's hands were shaking, whilst still covered in blood, as they waited impatiently. Dean's breath was caught in his throat when the doctor explained Castiel's condition. He's in intensive care and is currently sleeping to recover. He did lose a lot of blood, so he may not wake up for a while.

"Can we see him?" Dean asked.

The doctor nodded and led them to Castiel's room. When they entered, they saw him sleeping in the bed. Multiple wires and tubes were sprouting from his fragile body. He looked so pale - lifeless, even. Dean struggled to walk towards him, but he forced himself. Sam was sitting on the chair next to Castiel's bed, while Dean stood at the foot of the bed.

His heart broke at the sight of Castiel, and he couldn't look at him any longer. He stormed out the room and out the building towards the impala. When he got there, he stopped and began to breathe. Deep breaths. In. Out. He looked up at the sky and closed his eyes - silently praying. He may not believe, but he didn't want to lose Castiel.

He couldn't lose him.

When his breathing got back to normal, he wiped his tears away and got in the car. Reaching for the bottle that was usually in his car, he began to chug half the bottle to help with the aching pain he felt in his chest. Castiel's bag on the passenger seat caught his eye. Putting the bottle down, he grabbed the bag and began to look inside.

Castiel's books and revision notes. His pencil case full of stationary: he was definitely a perfectionist. Searching the bag, he came across a leather book. Carefully pulling it out, he realised it was Castiel's journal. _I shouldn't read it,_ he thought, _it's his privacy._ "Don't be a dick", he told himself as he put it bag inside the bag. Although the curiosity was eating him alone, he promised to respect Castiel's privacy.

He sat in his car for a while, drinking away his sorrow, before walking back to Castiel's room. He had a new bottle of whiskey with him to help him sleep because he was not going to leave Castiel alone. When he entered the room, Sam turned to look at him with worry. Standing up, he walked towards his big brother.

"Are you ok?" He asked.

Dean nodded his head. "Yeah", he lied. "Just got my medicine", he explained, holding up the bottle.

"Dean", Sam sighed. "I know this is difficult, he's my friend too, but you can't just drink away your problems".

"I'll take the chair", he replied, ignoring Sam. "I'll let you take the couch". Sam didn't move. "Go on! You should sleep". Quietly, Sam walked to the small couch and lay down to sleep. Dean slumped in the chair and continued to drink until he passed out - the usual.

_< 3_

Castiel woke up and heard a regular beeping noise. Opening his eyes, he realised he was in the hospital. His entire body ached with pain whenever he tried to move. He could see Sam sleeping on the couch across the room. Painfully, he turned his head to look everywhere else. What surprised him was that Dean was sleeping in the chair next to his bed.

He looked peaceful, like the morning after their one-night stand. Scanning Dean, Castiel noticed the empty bottle of whiskey in his hand. _He got drunk again,_ he thought with a sigh. After the conversation with Dean about drinking, Castiel was finally able to understand why Dean drinks so much. It's usually because he can't sleep, but sometimes it's because he wants to forgot the pain he's feeling. _Why did he get drunk this time?_ , Castiel wondered.

Castiel lay in bed while he watched Dean stir in his sleep. It looked like he was having a nightmare. Perhaps it was the dream he told Castiel about? Castiel didn't dare wake him up because he was an angry sleeper. Although it was tempting because he was restless, unable to sleep, Castiel knew better. Dean has always struggled to sleep, so Castiel wants him to get as many hours as he can.

Suddenly, Dean's eyes shot open as he sat up panting. Gradually, he recognised his surroundings and sighed. Rubbing a hand over his face, he tried to steady his breathing. Slowly, he looked at Castiel. Dean smiled at him when they made eye contact. Castiel was staring at him with a concerned look. "Morning", Dean greeted him with a smile. "How are you feeling?"

Castiel wanted to ask Dean what his nightmare was about, but he knew Dean better than that - he would push away his problems and focus on the well-being of everyone around him. Castiel didn't begin to ask how Dean was mentally. "Like my body has been dragged across the world", he admitted. Dean reached for his bottle next to him.

"Would you like to try some of my medicine?" He asked.

Castiel smiled and shook his head. "No, thank you. I'm sure the morphine would be just fine".

Dean shrugged his shoulders and took a mouthful of the whiskey left in the bottle. Castiel wanted to smack the bottle away from Dean's perfect lips, but he understand why Dean drank, and he was in too much pain to move. Putting the bottle on the floor, Dean turned his attention back to Castiel. "Do you remember who attacked you?" He asked him.

Castiel thought back to the attack and remembered everything: the fight, the attacker, the pain. But he also remembered watching Dean at the bar the other night. He knew what Dean was capable of, and he didn't want Dean to do anything stupid. "Not really", he lied. "It's all a bit fuzzy, but it may come back to me eventually". Dean nodded and leaned back in the chair.

They sat in silence for a while, enjoying each other's company, until a doctor entered the room. "Good morning, Castiel", the doctor greeted. "I'm glad to see you awake. You were badly hurt, and you lost quite a lot of blood from the stab wound. The police will be here later to ask you a few questions about the attack, if that's alright with you?"

"Yeah, that's perfectly fine", he replied.

"Okay. I'll be back later to check up on you. I'll let you eat first", the doctor said before leaving the room. Not long after, a nurse came into his room to give him his breakfast. Dean didn't eat, although Castiel offered him food. He just watched Castiel silently and waited for Sam to wake up.

The three of them were talking for hours until the police entered the room, hoping to find the person who attacked Castiel. Sam and Dean didn't leave the room while Castiel was questioned. Dean was listening to everything Castiel was saying, eager to know who did this to him.

"Do you remember what the attacker looked like?" The police asked.

Anxiously, Castiel looked over at Dean for a split second before looking at his hands. Slowly, he nodded his head. "Yes. I remember who attacked me". He didn't need to look to know that Dean was staring at him in disbelief. "I had a previous encounter with them the night before. We had a small disagreement while we were out drinking".

"So, the attacker already met you?"

Castiel swallowed the lump in his throat before speaking. "Yes. Friday night, I went out for drinks to take a break from all my school work. While I was out, I had stumbled and accidentally touched his rear. He didn't like that at all. I tried to apologise, but he was furious and was about to hit me. Until Dean", he looked at Dean for a second, "protected me".

"The attacker is a male?"

"Yes".

The police wrote that down in their notes. "And he had already tried to attack you the previous night?"

"Yes".

"Friday night at the bar", the police began. "He got angry because you touched his bottom. Did he seem homophobic towards you?"

"Definitely".

"I know this is a personal question, but", they paused. "Do you associate yourself as part of the LGBTQA community?"

"Yes, I'm gay".

"Do you believe the attack was a hate crime?" The police questioned.

Castiel hesitated. "Yes".


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A thought made Dean smile, "Cas and I, together. I'd like that".

When the police left, the room fell silent. Castiel couldn't bring himself to look Dean in the eye, or anywhere for that matter. Sam sat awkwardly on the couch, Castiel stared at his hands while Dean stared into space. Dean sat still: leaning forwards with his arms resting on his legs. His hand were locked together and his face was stern.

"Why did you lie to me?" Dean asked in a whisper. Castiel didn't answer. "Why didn't you tell me who attacked you?" Slowly, Dean turned to look at Castiel, but he was staring at his hands. Castiel refused to look anywhere else. He had already experienced an angry Dean, he's seen the look in his eyes before, and he doesn't want to see that again.

"I didn't want you to do anything stupid", he admitted.

Dean jumped up from his chair and glared at Castiel. "ANYTHING STUPID?!" He yelled in anger. "HE ATTACKED YOU, CAS! YOU COULD HAVE DIED! HELL, YOU WOULD HAVE IF I DIDN'T FIND YOU IN TIME!" Dean's face turned red with anger. His hands were balled up into fists as he fought the urge to punch something. Luckily, if he breaks his hand, he's already at the hospital. "AND YOU EXPECT ME TO SIT BACK AND DO NOTHING?!"

Castiel glanced up at Dean were a stern look. "Yes", he said firmly. "Because the police are dealing with it. I do not want you involved in anything. I want you to forget this ever happened and let the police do their job. The guy who attacked me will get what he deserves. I don't want to worry about you doing something you'll regret", Castiel explained.

"Oh, trust me, I won't regret breaking his bones", Dean said in a harsh tone.

"Dean", Castiel said warningly.

Sigh and rolling his eyes, Dean said, "Fine! I promise not to track down and harm that dick who attacked you".

Castiel smiled. "Thank you".

Dean was still fighting the urge to punch something - or someone - and Castiel continued to stare at his hands. The awkward silence was killing Dean, so he began to leave the room. "Where are you going?" Castiel asked. Dean stopped and looked at him.

"Out", he answered. "I just need to cool down". He could see that Castiel was anxious. "Don't worry, I promised I wouldn't harm him". Castiel's shoulders relaxed and Dean left the hospital. He stood outside the building and took deep breaths. His eyes were closed while he tried to focus on something good.

"The police are doing their job", Dean whispered to himself. "Let them handle it. You promised Cas. You couldn't protect him from the attack, but you can prevent hurting his feelings. Don't do anything stupid. But what if I track the guy down and tell the police? I can find him faster than the police, and I would be doing something good". Dean smiled. "When we get back home, I'll start looking for him".

_< 3_

When Dean had left the room, Castiel turned to Sam. "Why is he like that?" Castiel asked.

Sam stood up and sat in Dean's chair. He sighed before saying, "Dean feels like it's his job to save everyone. And when he... 'fails', he blames himself. And then he gets angry, at himself mainly, but he does have a shorter temper than usual. I hate it when he gets like this because he continues to beat himself up for something he didn't do. But that's why he beats himself up, because he didn't do anything. He feels like he has to protect everyone, and all the emotions he pushes down flow out of him like a river. All that anger, pain, sadness. He lashes out at those around him".

"But it's not his fault", Castiel stated.

"No", Sam agreed. "But he thinks it is. He carries the weight of the world on his shoulders, and it's slowly killing him".

"He's quite scary when he gets like this", Castiel admitted.

"Yeah", Sam smiled. "He's a really good fighter, and he's crazy good at hunting. Our uncle, not really our uncle, but he was there for us when we needed him - he's more like a father to us - he would take us hunting. I never really liked it, I didn't like the idea of harming an innocent creature. But Dean... he was ruthless, merciless, heartless. He wouldn't even blink when he shot an animal. It scared the shit out of me".

"He doesn't seem like a cold hearted killer", Castiel said.

"Yeah, but everyone has their dark sides. And Dean. His dark side is pretty dark", Sam explained. "But it wasn't until I was about 15 when Dean showed me the bullets he used to hunt. They weren't bullets, they were rubber, so he wasn't killing anything. And yet he was still terrifying. It's like he found peace and pleasure in hunting".

Castiel hesitated. "Would he hunt down the guy who attacked me?"

"No. He promised, and Dean is a man of his word", Sam reassured him.

At the mention of his name, Dean entered the room. Sam and Castiel looked up at him with concern. "What?" Dean asked in annoyance. "I'm fine. I didn't do anything stupid. Like you said, the police are doing their job". He paused before muttering, "Even though I can do it better and quicker". Silently, he sat on the couch away from Sam and Castiel.

The room was silent until a doctor entered the room. Everyone looked up to hear whatever was about to be said. "Hello, Castiel", the doctor greeted with a smile. "How are you feeling?" Castiel replied with a 'I'm fine' before letting the doctor continue. "I came to check on you before discharging you. You seem to be getting better - you're not looking like Snow White, so that should be a good sign". That caused Castiel to smile slightly.

The doctor ran a few tests on Castiel before writing down a couple notes on his clipboard. Once he finished, he smiled at Castiel and said, "You should be free to go home in a couple hours. I just gotta type this up before discharging you". The doctor left the room, giving them time to talk privately.

"When we get home", Dean began. "You are going straight to bed. Don't worry about school, I'll phone them tomorrow to tell them everything. And don't even try to move. We'll do everything to make sure you don't injure yourself even more. You'll stay in bed where you can rest. If you need either of u, just call and we'll be right there. During the day, I'll be watching you because Sam will be at school, but-"

"Wait!" Sam interrupted him. "I'm not going to school when my best friend has been attacked!"

Dean gave Sam a stern look. "You will be attending college. I will not let you jeopardise your future. If I find out you skipped any lessons, I will rein Hell down on you, do you understand?" Dean demanded. Sam looked down at the floor and mumbled an agreement, which Dean didn't hear. "Do I make myself clear?!" Dean demanded in a harsher tone than before.

Sam looked up slightly and said, "Yes!", with annoyance.

Dean nodded before turning his attention to Castiel. "As I was saying: I will look after you while Sam is at college. And then we will take turns when he gets back. I'm sure you'll be prescribed some painkillers, so I'll make sure you're taking them at the right time. I want you to relax and recover quickly, so don't even think about going anywhere without my consent".

Castiel sighed and rolled his eyes at Dean being overprotective. "Don't you roll your eyes at me!" Dean said.

Castiel put his head back and muttered, "This is going to be fun".

Dean shook his head and waited for the doctor to come back to allow Castiel to leave. Once all the documents were signed, Castiel was walking out of the hospital with the help of Sam and Dean. Carefully, they lowered him into the back of the impala. When Dean sat behind the wheel, he grabbed Castiel's back from the passenger's seat and gave it back to its owner.

"Thank you", Castiel said before searching his bag for anything missing.

The ride back home was silent. Castiel spent the entire time staring out the window, watching everything as they drove home. Upon arrival, Dean was the first out the car and the first to help Castiel out. Wincing in pain, Castiel was able to stand and began to walk into the house with Dean. He was guided to his room where Dean helped him into bed.

Like Sam had said, Dean was a man of his word.

Castiel lay in bed while Sam and Dean were cleaning the house. After a while, Dean knocked on his open door. He had a tray of food in his hand as he walked towards the bed. "Eat up", he instructed. "You need the energy to heal. When you're done, have two painkillers with some water. It should help with the pain. If it doesn't, I'll find something else".

Castiel smiled before starting to eat. Dean stood by him awkwardly for a second. "Do you mind if I quickly use your computer?" He asked. Castiel looked up at him before casting his eyes on his computer on his desk. He allowed him and watched as Dean began to type away. Curious, he tried to look at the screen but Dean was hiding it.

Carefully, and quietly, he got out of bed to see for himself. However, after a couple steps, Dean stood up and forced him back into bed. "What did I tell you? You're supposed to stay in bed so you can rest. That means you don't walk around without help. If you need to go somewhere, tell me and I'll take you". Castiel looked into his green eyes before looking at the computer.

"I just wanted to know what you were doing", he explained.

Dean looked over his shoulder for a second before looking into Castiel's sky-blue eyes. "It's nothing to worry about", he lied. "I'm just doing something quick. I think it might be good, possibly. If I had a laptop of my own, I wouldn't be using yours. And Sam is all possessive when it comes to his precious laptop". Castiel didn't seem to believe Dean's lie, so he continued. "I'm serious. Don't worry about it. Now get back to resting", he said as he ushered Castiel into bed.

Castiel watched Dean work on the computer, curiosity slowly killing him. Dean was typing really fast and muttering to himself. He was also writing down notes on a post-it note from Castiel's stationary. After a couple minutes, Dean began to shut down the computer (after erasing all his work and search history) before retrieving the tray from Castiel.

"Thanks for letting me use your computer", he said before leaving.

Castiel sat in silence while he frowned at his computer. _What was Dean doing?,_ he wondered.

_< 3_

Dean waited until everyone was asleep before leaving the house. Grabbing his leather jacket and boots, he left the house with the post-it note in his hand. He smiled when he read the address that he had written down. "For Cas", he told himself as he got drove away in his baby. He listened to his cassette taps while he drove, a smile on his face.

Once he reached his destination, he parked outside the house and waited. It wasn't long until Dean saw the homophobic who attacked Castiel stumble towards the front door of a house. It looked like he'd been out drinking, again. Just the sight of him makes Dean's blood boil. Dean phoned the police and told them the address while he waited in the impala.

After a while, the police were finally arriving. Dean waited impatiently in his car as he watched the police knock on the door to arrest the homophobic twat that attacked Castiel. However, while the police were barging into the house, Dean saw the guy jump out the window and begin to run away. Quickly, he got out the car and ran after him.

Adrenaline pumped through his body as he hunted down the attacker. He didn't want to admit it, but he felt happy and peaceful when he was hunting. He hasn't felt that way in so long. It gets rid of the pain, the sorrow, the guilt. All those emotions that Dean buries disappear when hunting. It's strange - maybe inhuman - but it feels... pure.

It wasn't long until Dean tackles the guy to the ground, pinning him down until the police could get to them. Although Dean would find pleasure in torturing him, he let the police do their job because he had promised Castiel. As the police were pushing the criminal into the back of their car, an officer spoke to Dean to thank him.

"Thank you, Mr Winchester", the officer said. "How did you find him so quickly?"

Dean shrugged, "It wasn't hard. I remembered what he looked like from the bar and then used some skills I've learned over the years to track him down. And I go hunting sometimes so chasing him was no problem. I'm just happy I was able to do something. I felt useless not being able to find him. He tried to kill Cas and I couldn't let him be free any longer. I'm sorry if I was trouble".

"No, you were a great help", the officer corrected him. "Mr Novak is lucky to have someone like you".

Before Dean could explain that he and Castiel weren't together, the officer was being called away by a fellow officer. Dean watched the police drive away with the criminal in the back seat of a car. Proud of himself, he got into his impala and began to drive back to the house. During the drive home, he couldn't stop thinking about what the officer had said.

A thought made Dean smile, "Cas and I, together. I'd like that".


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I like Dean. I really do. And we both deserve to be happy. Especially Dean.
> 
> I hope I can make him as happy as he makes me.

When Dean arrived back home, Castiel was standing in the hallway with his arms crossed over his chest. Dean gave Castiel a nervous smile. "Heyyy, Cas", he said. "Um... you should be resting. What are you doing out of bed?" He asked, hoping to distract Castiel. Slowly, he walked closer to him.

"What are you doing out the house?" Castiel asked with an arched eyebrow.

 _God,_ Dean thought, _he looks hot._

"I had something to take care of", he explained. Carefully, he placed his hands on Castiel's shoulders. "You really shouldn't be out of bed. Come on, I'll help you". Gently, Dean pushed Castiel towards his room, and helped him into bed.

"Dean?" Castiel said in a soft tone. Dean looked into his blue eyes and hummed. "Where were you? Why did you leave the house at this time of night?" He asked, causing Dean to pause. Castiel tilted his head slightly, something he does whenever he's trying to figure something - or someone - out. Dean couldn't bring himself to look at Castiel.

Sighing, Dean replied, "I'll tell you in the morning. Now get some rest". Quietly, he left Castiel's room and sat on the couch to have a few drinks before bed. He sat in silence while he thought about how he was going to explain everything tomorrow to Castiel. He had promised not to hurt the guy, and he didn't, but he also said he would let the police do their jobs.

After a couple drinks and overthinking everything, Dean finally fell asleep.

_< 3_

Castiel woke up and looked at the time showing on his clock. _7am._ Groaning, he pulled himself out of bed. He gradually made it to his door while holding his stomach in pain. His stitches were painful and hurt whenever he moved, but he needed to get out of bed. He was leaning against his door frame when Dean came from the kitchen.

"Cas?" Dean asked with worry. "What are you doing out of bed?!"

Dean rushed to Castiel to ensure that he was okay. "I want to watch Netflix", Castiel said. He heard Dean sigh and felt a strong arm wrap around him. Although it may seem embarrassing, Castiel leaned into Dean's touch and allowed himself to be guided to the living room. Slowly, Dean lowered him on the couch before giving him the remote.

"Sit there", Dean instructed. "I'll cook you something for breakfast".

While Castiel was searching Netflix, there was a knock on the door. "I'll get it!" Castiel called, but struggled to stand.

"No!" Dean said from the kitchen. "You stay there", he demanded as he walked to the front door. Ignoring him, Castiel forced himself up and slowly walked to the front door. Once he was close enough to hear the conversation, he leaned against the wall for support. "Look", he heard Dean say. "It was no problem. I'm glad I could help. I hated not being able to do anything".

"Yes", an unfamiliar deep voice replied. "I understand, but everyone at the precinct wants to thank you for your help. We don't think we would have caught him as quick as you did. It's outstanding. You were able to find him quicker than we could find a lead". There was a slight pause. "I know this may be overstepping my boundaries, but we were hoping we could come to you if there is ever someone we need to find...?"

Dean nodded. "Of course. I would love to help. It would actually give me something to do. If you ever need me, you know where I am".

"Okay", the visitor said. "I'll get out of your hair. Mr Novak is lucky to have you, Dean. Take care".

"Will do, officer", Dean said before closing the door. When Dean turned around, he was met with an angry Castiel. Awkwardly, Dean smiled at him. "Heyy, Cas. What did I tell you about getting up?" Dean began to walk towards Castiel, but Castiel stepped back. Dean stopped and frowned at him.

"Who was at the door?" Castiel asked.

"No one", Dean lied. "Don't worry about it".

Castiel looked at him in disbelief. "Really, Dean? I caught you late last night, too. You've been sneaking around. You told me you were going to tell me everything. So tell me. I want to know what you've been up to, and don't try to lie to me. I'm not an idiot. I know when someone is lying to me". Castiel paused. "Please, I don't want to be lied to again", he sighed.

Dean looked down at his feet before saying, "I may or may not have caught the guy who attacked you".

Castiel's eyes widened. "You what?!"

Dean put his hands up to calm him. "I was only helping".

"Helping?!" Castiel asked in anger. He was standing tall now, pain no longer evident in his face or posture. "I told you _not_ to get involved! I told you not to hurt him! You promised you weren't going to hurt him!" Dean frowned at that.

"And I didn't!" He protested.

"I also told you to let the police handle it!" Castiel added. "Why didn't you let them do their job?!"

"Because I could do it faster", Dean explained.

"They were doing their job, Dean. Why did you have to get involved?" Dean shook his head and stormed past Castiel into the kitchen. Castiel awkwardly followed him. "Don't walk away from me, Dean! I asked you a question. And I expect to get an answer. I told you not to get involved. I said to leave it to the police because that's their job". Dean had begun to get angry, his hands balled into fists as he tried to contain his anger. "So why did you go against everything I said?!"

Dean turned to Castiel in anger. "I couldn't just stand by and do nothing!" He yelled.

"Why not?!" Castiel yelled back.

"Because I like you!" Dean confessed. Castiel froze and Dean buried his face in his hands. He breathed in to calm down. "I like you, Cas", he said in a softer voice. "I really like you. And not in a quick fling way, but actually like you. And that scares the crap out of me. I know I went against what you said, but I hated not being able to help you, or even protect you. It was killing me, Cas. I had to do something. I couldn't stand another second knowing the guy who tried to _kill you_ was still out there". He was looking down at the floor, afraid to meet Castiel's gaze.

He heard Castiel walk towards him. His shoulders slumped and he braced himself for another yelling match between them. But nothing was said. Castiel forced Dean to look at him, holding his face with a gentle touch. Dean unconsciously leaned into the touch. Slowly, Castiel connected his lips with Dean's. Castiel's lips were soft against Dean's, but it only lasted a couple seconds.

When they pulled away, Castiel was smiling. "I like you too".

Dean shook his head. "No", he said, causing Castiel to frown. Taking a step back, he continued, "You can't like me. Someone like you doesn't end up with someone like me. You are an amazing person; I'm not. You deserve someone who is equally amazing. You deserve someone who is good for you. You deserve the best - that's not me. I don't deserve you, Cas. You deserve better than me".

Castiel smiled again. "No one can tell me who I deserve, except me. And I say I deserve someone who is selfless, caring, and maybe a little annoying. I have been through a lot in my life. I don't really have a family, but you have shown more care towards me than any of my brothers have in my entire life. I have been beaten down, cast a side, and thrown out. I think I deserve some happiness. And when I see myself happy, it's with you, Dean. I want you".

Castiel stepped closer so he could hold Dean's face in his hands. "You deserve happiness too", Castiel said before kissing him. The softness of Castiel's lips on Dean's was impossible to not kiss back. Dean's hands found themselves resting on Castiel's hips as he pulled him closer. They stood in the kitchen in each other's embrace as they kissed.

Eventually, they separated to breathe. Dean rested his head against Castiel's, a smile on his lips. "Are you sure you want to be with me?" Dean asked, his smile disappearing. "My past relationships have crashed and burned, so I wouldn't blame you if you want to reconsider your answer. I am not the perfect person to be with, and I have so many problems. I don't want to burden you. You don't-"

Castiel cut him off by connecting their lips again. Before Dean could react, Castiel was pulling away. "I want to be with you, Dean. And that means I want to be with every aspect of you - including your problems. We all have problems, and we'll deal with them together. I said I wanted to be with you. Nothing you say will make me change my mind, so stop".

Dean nodded. "Okay, but can we keep this between us?" He asked. "I don't want it to be awkward when Sam gets back, you know? His brother dating his best friend. He may not react the way we want him to. And it would be awful if we break up, or get into an argument and Sam can feel all that tension between us. We'll tell him eventually, I promise. I just think we should wait for the right moment".

"Yeah, I'm fine with that", Castiel replied. "I'm just glad that we can put a name to what we have".

Dean frowned. "What do you mean?"

Castiel chuckled. "Like you haven't been flirting with me since you've been here". Dean blushed. "All those flirtatious winks you give me every time I come back from school. And don't forget when you checked me out when I left the bathroom Friday". Dean tried to deny it, but Castiel stopped him. "Don't try to deny it, I saw the way you looked at me". He paused. "And we can't forget how Friday night ended", he added with a smirk.

Dean's face turned crimson red. "Yeah. Next time, no drinks".

Castiel's smile widened. "Definitely".

_< 3_

_Dear Journal,_

_It's been a while. Saturday was eventful. While I was walking home from the library, I got jumped and got stabbed. If Dean hadn't found me, I probably would have bled to death. I spent the weekend at the hospital and Dean has been worrying about me the entire time. Dean helped the police catch the guy, even though I told him not to. It was the same guy who had a bar fight with Dean on Friday because he was homophobic._

_After yelling at Dean for going against everything I said, we confessed a few things. Turns out, Dean likes me. And it's not just a fling, he said he actually likes me. But he also admitted to being scared of having a relationship with me because his previous relationships didn't end well. Hopefully, this will be different. I like Dean. I really do. And we both deserve to be happy. Especially Dean._

_I hope I can make him as happy as he makes me._

_Anyway, until next time,_

_\- Castiel._


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Although Dean was an Atheist, he prayed for Castiel's safety. Meeting John Winchester will be Hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING!!! There is some abuse mentioned in this chapter.

During Castiel's recovery, Dean was always forcing him to rest. Sam would help out when he got home from school, but it was Dean who was always there to help. It was the second week of recovery when the police came to speak to Dean about a case they're working on. Apparently, they are trying to track down a drug dealer and they needed Dean's skills.

Castiel was lying in bed while Dean was working at Castiel's desk. The sound of Dean typing vigorously filled the room. Castiel was making notes for his psychology project. Every now and again, Castiel would glance up at Dean to see him working hard. They were resting in a peaceful silence while each of them worked on their separate projects.

"Aha!" Dean called, causing Castiel to look up from his work. "Gotcha!" He said before getting his phone. He stood up from the desk and smiled at Castiel when they made eye contact. After a few rings, someone answered the phone. "Hey, Hendrickson. I found him", he explained. He looked at the computer screen before giving the officer the criminal's location. "Have fun arresting him", Dean said before hanging up.

He turned to Castiel with a smile. "Finished another case?" Castiel asked.

Dean put his phone on the desk before crawling into Castiel's bed. "Yep", he replied. "Another bad guy being put away". He leaned in and kissed Castiel, who kissed back immediately. Dean's hand ran through Castiel's hair while the other held him up as he lay on Castiel. They were making out for a while until Castiel gently pushed Dean off him.

Dean frowned at him, but soon realised what Castiel was doing. Collecting all his paperwork, Castiel placed them on his night stand before lying down and pulling Dean on top of him. Dean smirked into the kiss and began to undress Castiel. It wasn't long until they were both shirtless and grinding against each other. They hadn't done anything too intimate because of Castiel's injuries, but that wasn't going to stop them today.

However, the sound of the front door slamming shut caused them to panic. Hurriedly, they got dressed before Sam could see them. When Sam entered the room, Dean was standing next to the bed. "Hey", Sam said. "I got us Chinese take-out instead of cooking". He held up the bags to show the food. Dean and Castiel nodded, still trying to calm down their nerves. Sam frowned, but didn't question them.

Once Sam left the room, Dean and Castiel were able to relax and breathe. They turned to each other, and they could read each other perfectly. "That was close", Dean admitted. Castiel nodded before trying to get out of bed. Instantly, Dean rushed to his side to aid him. Together, they left the room and joined Sam on the couch. Sam had already begun to dish out the food.

"This is a great way to celebrate Dean helping the police close the case", Castiel stated.

Sam looked at Dean in shock. "You found them?! You were given the case this morning! How did you track them down so fast?!" He asked. Dean shrugged his shoulders before grabbing a beer from the kitchen. The three of them ate their take-out while watching a movie. They spent their night watching movies, and Dean drank a couple beers.

_< 3_

It wasn't long until Castiel had fully healed. Dean and Castiel still hadn't done anything too intimate because Sam seemed to always have perfect timing. However, Sam was going to be gone all day until later into the evening, so Dean and Castiel had time to themselves. They waited for Sam to leave for school before beginning anything. And they had to clean the kitchen after breakfast.

While Castiel was drying the dishes, Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel's waist and began to kiss his neck. Castiel tilted his head so Dean had more space, which Dean took as an opportunity to kiss everywhere. Castiel hadn't finished drying the dishes when he turned around to kiss Dean. Their kiss was passionate and very intense.

Carefully, Castiel pushed Dean towards his room for their alone time. Dean lowered Castiel onto the bed and crawled on top of him. They were making out for a while before Dean began to trail kisses along Castiel's jaw to his neck. When Dean's soft lips kissed his collar bone, Castiel let out a small moan - Dean's lips edged into a smirk.

Slowly, they began to undress each other. Castiel's small moans ringing in Dean's ears as he began to kiss his lover's body. It didn't take long for Castiel's hips to involuntarily jerk up at Dean, increasing Dean's arousal. Eagerly, they fiddled with each other's jeans to remove as much clothing as possible. Dean began to grind onto Castiel as he kissed his neck and nibbled at his ear.

The moans from Castiel sent Dean crazy and desiring more. Castiel's hand ran through Dean's hair and his hips jerked up to meet Dean's thrusts. Both of them were getting more aroused by the second and were too excited to wait any longer. Hungrily, they removed the last article of clothing from each other to get each other naked.

It was about an hour later when Dean dropped down next to Castiel, both of them breathless. They lay next to each in silence for a while as they caught their breaths. Eventually, Castiel smiled at Dean. Castiel moved closer and cuddled up to Dean with his head on Dean's chest. Arms wrapped around Castiel to bring him closer as they pulled the duvet up to cover their naked bodies.

"That was..." Dean began.

"Amazing", Castiel finished. They lay in each other's arms for a while until Castiel began to trace the pale white scars on Dean's chest. Dean ran his hand through Castiel's hair while he felt Castiel's delicate fingers follow his scars. "How did you get these?" Castiel eventually asked. Dean's hand paused and he took a shaky breath.

"There's multiple different stories", he explained.

"We have time", Castiel stated.

Dean nodded his head before tracing a small scar near his pelvis. "This one", he began. "I got from a bar fight. I was flirting with this girl, who was with her boyfriend. Obviously, her boyfriend got all possessive and told me to back off because she was taken. Me being me, I asked if he was". He let out a small chuckle. "I guess he wasn't comfortable with a guy flirting with him, so he came at me with a broken glass bottle".

Castiel gentle followed the small scar. Dean pointed to another across his abdomen. "This one, I got jumped. Well, it was more like a lame attempt in saving someone. I was walking back to my car after buying a couple drinks when I saw these guys pinning a girl to the wall. I could see that she was uncomfortable, so I went to help her. I fought off two of the men, but the third had a knife and tried to slice me open. Luckily, I have fast reflexes so I just got a small scratch and I was able to fight him off before the police got there".

Dean began to explain a few more scars before Castiel traced on across his heart, running from his left peck to his right rib. "How did you get this one?"

Dean's hand held onto Castiel's, restricting his movement. "That one..." He paused. His chest rose and fell as he breathed in before talking. "Was given to me by my dad". Castiel looked up at him in shock. "My dad was never really home when I was growing up - he was always out drinking and didn't stumble home until early hours of the morning. I thought I had the place to myself because Sam was sleeping at his friend's. Stupidly, I decided to bring home a guy. I was 17, and I wasn't thinking rationally".

He paused again, so Castiel kissed his shoulder to reassure Dean. "The guy and I were sitting on the couch, making out, when my dad stumbled home and caught us. Saying he was furious would be an understatement. He was going to hit the guy, so I jumped between them. But that didn't stop my dad from punching me. I told the guy to leave before my dad could do anything to him, and he did - I never spoke to him after that night".

"My dad wasn't done with me yet", he continued. "After a couple drinks, he became abusive. Usually, he would take it out on me, so I was kinda used to the beatings. But nothing prepared me for what he had in mind. Every time I tried to get up, he would knock me down. He would kick me while I was on the ground. I screamed out to him, asking him to stop, but it only encouraged him. I was lying on floor, in too much pain to move, when he threw his glass at me. It shattered and cut my chest. It hurt. I know he knew how much he was hurting me, and yet he decided to break the beer bottle on the coffee table and slice at my chest".

Castiel went stiff, and he couldn't bring himself to look at Dean. "I'm sorry", Castiel whispered.

"There's nothing for you to apologise for", Dean explained. "It's not your fault".

They lay in each other's arms in silence for a while. Castiel was tracing the scars and Dean was playing with Castiel's hair. They were comfortable until the bedroom door opened. "Hey, Cas, I - Oh my God!" Sam exclaimed as he quickly shut the door. Dean and Castiel sat up in shock. Dean got up and began to dress himself. He was still shirtless when he ran after Sam.

"Sammy!" He called. Sam was standing in the kitchen with his hand over his mouth. "Sammy. Look", Dean began. "Cas and I, it just kinda happened. At first, it was just a drunk one night stand, but then I started to like him and then we started to date. We were going to tell you eventually, but-"

"Dean!" Sam interrupted. By now, Castiel had joined them, hiding in the doorway from embarrassment. "I don't care who you sleep with!"

"You don't?" Dean asked.

"No!" Sam exclaimed. "But if you hurt him, I will rip your balls off!"

"Okay!" Dean paused. "Why did you barge into the room, then?"

"I needed to speak to Cas", he explained. "I needed to make sure he was still up for tonight. We mentioned it a couple days before you turned up, but I just wanted to check everything before I go ahead with it. I don't want to make Cas uncomfortable, or stressed, so I wanted to ask". Dean frowned. Sam was nervous, he rambles when he's nervous. _What is he hiding?,_ Dean thought.

"What's happening tonight?" Dean asked.

Sam looked down at the floor before muttering, "Dad is coming".

Dean froze. The room fell silent. No one moved. Dean shook his head. "No", he whispered. "No, no, no. How can you let that man come here?!" Dean yelled. "He ruined our childhood! He was an absent father who failed to do his job! He never cared about us! Have you forgotten what he did to us?! What he did to me?!" Dean was furious now.

"Dean", Sam said calmly. "He's our dad".

"I was more of a father to you than he'll ever be!" Dean yelled before storming back to Castiel's room. When Castiel entered his room to check on Dean, he saw his boyfriend packing his rucksack. Clothes were being thrown into the bag aggressively and Dean was storming around the room. Cautiously, Castiel walked towards Dean and placed a hand on his shoulder.

Dean stopped and closed his eyes as he tried to calm down. "Dean? Are you alright?" Castiel asked. Suddenly, he was engulfed in a bear-like hug from Dean. Dean shook his head and held onto Castiel tighter. "It's ok", Castiel reassured. "He won't hurt you, I promise. If he even looks at you wrong, I'll kick him out. Your father won't hurt you here".

"No", Dean mumbled into Castiel's shoulder. "He doesn't just hit me, he insults me".

"Verbal abuse as well as physical?" Dean nodded. Castiel sighed and held onto Dean for a while longer. "I'm guessing you don't want to be under the same roof as him, so I'll book you a hotel so you can stay there for tonight. Once we've finished with the meal here, I'll join you at the hotel, and we can do whatever we want for the night. How does that sound?"

Dean pulled away and agreed. "Just... be careful".

"Always", Castiel smiled.

"I'm serious", Dean clarified. "He can be overwhelming sometimes. He drinks a lot, too. So make sure you have plenty to offer, otherwise it'll be world war three. And I don't want you getting hurt. I have experienced first hand what he's capable of doing, and I can't imagine you going through the same thing". Castiel held Dean's face in his hand, and Dean leaned into the touch. "Oh, and try not to mention your sexuality. He isn't so liberal to that kind of thing", Dean added.

Castiel gently kissed Dean's lips before saying, "Okay, so... offer him plenty to drink, don't mention my sexuality and don't piss him off. I think I can handle it".

"Cas", Dean sighed. "Promise me, if something bad happens, you and Sam will get out of his way?"

Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean's neck and smiled. "Of course. We'll come straight to you, I promise". They stared at each other for eternity before leaning in to kiss each other. All of Dean's worries washed away as he thought about the one good thing in his life: his amazing boyfriend, who was risking his safety to meet John Winchester.

Although Dean was an Atheist, he prayed for Castiel's safety. Meeting John Winchester will be Hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I made people hate John even more. I've always thought John was abusive to his kids. With the psychological scarring and the constant abandonment, he was not a good father. However, I think he favourited Sam (he had to be protected) and only abused Dean because Dean was a "good soldier and nothing else".


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He deserves to be happy, and to be loved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> John does say some hurtful things about homosexuality, so I apologise if it offends anyone.

* * *

* * *

John Winchester is a stern looking man. He walks with his shoulders hunched, like he's carrying the world. He constantly has a frown, and doesn't seem to crack a smile - ever. His messy hair and messy beard have a tinge of grey, showing his old age. His eyes droop slightly and he seems to wobble as he stumbles to the house from his truck.

"Sam!" He slurs when he greets his youngest son.

"Hey, dad", Sam replies awkwardly. They welcome John inside and begin to eat. Sam had prepared lasagne for the dinner, and yet the first thing John said was about beer. Sam grabbed a bottle of whiskey from the fridge and handed it to his father with a glass. John took a mouthful from the bottle before filling his glass. Castiel sat quietly at the table as he observed and analysed him.

During the dinner, John began to speak to Castiel. "So, you're Sam's roommate?" Castiel nodded his head to confirm. "That's good. Sam needs someone to care for him. Y'know, when he was a baby, he would always be asking for someone to pick him up. He didn't like to be put down!" He turned to Sam. "You were a fussy baby, weren't you?" He laughed.

Sam bowed his head and ate. "Anyway!" John exclaimed. "What do you study?"

"Psychology", Castiel stated.

"Ah, so you want to be a shrink?"

Castiel was offended and baffled. "Um, no. I just want to get a better understanding of others".

John nodded his head, but didn't seem pleased. "Do you not have many friends?"

"Um... no, not really", he admitted. "Sam is my best friend".

"And what about family?" John asked.

Castiel looked down at his food and began to play with it. "It's complicated", he said in a low voice.

John frowned. "Complicated?!" He exclaimed. "No! Performing heart surgery is complicated! Family is not complicated! How can family be complicated?! You have parents who raised you, you have your siblings who annoy the shit out of you - but you love them - and you have your other relatives who you only see maybe three times a year. It's not complicated!"

"My family isn't like that", Castiel explained.

John shook his head. "No, you're just making it complicated".

"Dad", Sam warned. "I don't think Cas wants to talk about his family".

John rolled his eyes before downing the rest of the alcohol that was in his glass. Refilling the glass, he began to speak again. "So, do you two have girlfriends?" Castiel froze. Dean had warned him about this - _John is homophobic, so don't mention your sexuality_ , he reminded himself. Luckily, Sam answered before John could see Castiel's reaction.

"Actually, yeah, I do", Sam said. "Her name is Jess. She's amazing. She studying medicine at school, she wants to become a doctor. And she's super smart, so I'm positive she will. But she's also really sweet, and kind. We've been together for a year now. And she makes me _really_ happy. I think I love her". Sam was smiling and his cheeks were bright red. It was adorable.

"I'm glad she makes you happy", John stated before turning to Castiel. "What about you? Got a lucky girl?"

 _It's ok,_ he told himself, _pretend you have a girlfriend._ "Yeah. She's amazing. She doesn't go to this college though, so I don't see her much. But during my recovery, she was here the entire time. She's an amazing cook and she is super funny. She can be slightly annoying, and argumentative, and overprotective, but she's amazing. We haven't been together long, but she makes me happy".

"Is she good in bed?" John said with a smirk.

Instantly, Sam jumped in. "I don't think we should be talking about that at the table!"

"Nonsense!" John shook is head. "We've all done it, right? It's not like we're innocent".

"Still", Sam continued. "I don't want to be listening to your sex life".

John rolled his eyes again and began to finish his drink. When he began to refill, he mentioned Dean. "Have you spoken to your brother?"

"He left today, said he had to be somewhere".

"Probably sucking some random guy off", John spat in disappointment. "Or being someone's bitch. I wouldn't be surprised if he was doing both. The things he does... they make me sick. He has some serious problems. Something is wrong with him. I'm glad he wasn't here long, I wouldn't want his disease to be passed on to you".

Castiel stared at John in shock. How could someone say that about their own child?!

"Bisexuality isn't a disease", Sam said in a whisper-like voice.

"Right! It's not his fault he's poisoned!" Castiel had to bite his tongue to stop himself from yelling at his guest. "He goes around thinking it's ok to sleep with men. The chemicals in his brain are obviously messing with him and his logical thinking. I think he needs help, someone to set him straight. I'm sure he didn't choose to be broken".

"There's nothing wrong with being a homosexual", Sam stated.

Johan glared at him. "ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR GOD DAMN MIND?!" He yelled. "A MAN SHOULD NOT BE SLEEPING WITH OTHER MEN! IT'S WRONG! WOMEN WERE MADE TO BE MAN'S PARTNER IN LIFE! A WOMAN AND A WOMAN, A MAN AND A MAN - IT'S WRONG AND ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING! AND BEING BISEXUAL IS JUST BEING GREEDY!" Castiel shrank slightly as he listened to John rant.

"Dad, calm down", Sam said calmly.

"DON'T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN!" John demanded in anger. "YOU NEED TO UNDERSTAND THAT YOUR BROTHER IS POISON! HE IS BROKEN! HE HAS A DISEASE THAT MAKES HIM THINK HE LIKES MEN AS WELL AS WOMEN! ONCE YOU ACCEPT THAT YOU'RE BROTHER IS DAMNED TO HELL, YOU CAN LIVE A HAPPY LIFE WITH A WIFE AND KIDS!"

Carefully, Castiel began to text Dean.

_< 3_

**Castiel: _You never told me your dad was like this_**

**Dean: _What do u mean?_**

**Castiel: _He's yelling at Sam about you._** _**I feel awkward**_

**Dean: _Whats he sayin?_**

**Castiel: _Telling Sam that he should forget about you and kick you out of his life because you're "poisoned"_**

**Dean: _Yep. Sounds like him_**

**Castiel: _I don't know what to do_**

**Dean: _Make sure he doesn't do anythin until i get there_**

**Castiel: _Wait. You're coming here?_**

**Dean: _Yeah_**

**Castiel: _I thought you didn't want to see him_**

**Dean: _I don't but he might hurt sam_** _**or you**_

**Castiel: _You're worried about me?_**

**Dean: _Of course i am_** **_i know what he can do_**  
      **_I'll be there in 10 x_**

**Castiel: _Ok, see you in 10 xxx_**

_< 3_

John was yelling at the top of his lungs at Sam when Dean arrived. The yelling stopped and John glared at his eldest son. "HERE HE IS NOW!" John yelled. "THE SON WHO DISAPPOINTED ME!" Dean didn't seem affected by his words, but Castiel knew it was because Dean was accustomed to verbal abuse from his dad. John swayed and drank from the bottle.

"Dad, you're drunk", Dean said in a calm voice. "Go home".

"DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!" John demanded. "JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE AN ADULT, DOESN'T MEAN YOU ARE IN CHARGE! AND YOU'RE PRACTICALLY A GIRL FOR BEING GAY! ONLY WOMEN LIKE MEN! YOU ARE A BROKEN PIECE OF SHIT WHO IS A DISGRACE TO ME, TO YOUR FAMILY, TO THE WORLD!" John paused. "WHAT WOULD YOUR MOTHER SAY IF SHE SAW WHAT YOU ARE?!"

Something in Dean snapped. His face darkened and his eyes glowed with anger. " _Don't_ bring mum into this!" He said in a low voice.

"WHY NOT?!" John slurred. "SHE WOULD AGREE WITH ME! YOU ARE POISON, DEAN! YOU BREAK EVERYTHING YOU TOUCH! YOU CAN NEVER DO ANYTHING RIGHT! YOU WERE A MISTAKE! YOU SHOULD NEVER HAVE BEEN BORN!" Dean stood tall, listening to every word his father said. Sam and Castiel stood in the kitchen in silence, too afraid to speak up.

"You're right", Dean agreed. John was shocked. "I am poison. Wherever I go, I bring trouble. Whoever I speak to, I ruin their lives. I mess up everything I do. I should never have been born. I should have killed myself. And do you know what?" Dean's voice got louder. "I have tried to end my life! Countless times! Yeah! And I failed at that too! But do you know what stopped me?! Do you want to know why I haven't ended it all?! BECAUSE MY BOYFRIEND TOLD ME NOT TO!"

Sam quickly glanced at Castiel, who looked down at the floor. "I WAS READY TO END IT ALL! TO STOP ALL THE PAIN! AND HE STOPPED ME! HE STOPPED ME BECAUSE PEOPLE ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT ME! I AM LOVED! I AM WANTED! AND I AM NOT A DISAPPOINTMENT! I HAVE AN AMAZING BABY BROTHER, WHO I RAISED BECAUSE YOU WERE A TERRIBLE FATHER! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO RAISE AND SUPPORT US, AND YOU FAILED!"

John was speechless. "YOU HAD ONE JOB! AND YOU FAILED! YOU ARE THE DISAPPOINTMENT, JOHN! YOU ARE THE ONE WHO IS POISON, YOU ARE THE ONE WHO IS A PIECE OF SHIT! MUM WOULD BE DISAPPOINTED IN _YOU_! SHE WOULD HATE YOU FOR RUINING HER SONS' LIVES! FOR BREAKING AND HURTING HER KIDS! SHE WOULD BE DEVASTATED!"

Everyone was silent. John didn't dare to speak, and Dean was trying to calm down. "Go", Dean said after a long pause. "Leave here, and never contact us again". Without saying a word, John left the house to his truck. When the door slammed shut, Dean sighed and dropped to his knees. Quickly, Castiel rushed to his side and pulled him into a hug.

"Shh", Castiel soothed as he ran his fingers through Dean's hair. "It's okay. Breathe. I'm here".

Dean buried his face into Castiel's chest and allowed his boyfriend to calm him down. They stayed like that for a couple seconds until Sam spoke up. "Dean?" Dean looked up at his brother with red eyes. "Did... did you mean it?" Sam carefully asked. He knelt down in front of Dean. "Did you really try to kill yourself?" He didn't want to know the answer, but he didn't want his brother to be alone.

Dean couldn't speak, so he nodded his head in disappointment. The look on Sam's face broke his heart. Suddenly, Sam had his arms wrapped around Dean and Castiel. They stayed like that for a while, no one wanting to break the hug. Dean was obviously upset, so they were trying to comfort him. Dean had just yelled at the man who had abused him, so he was expected to be upset.

"I'm glad you didn't", Sam whispered into his ear.

_< 3_

_Dear Journal,_

_Dean and I slept together today. We were sober this time. It was amazing. I loved every single minute of it. He then told me about his scars, and how he got them. I'm glad he felt safe enough to open up to me. But the things he told me. Most of his scars were given to him by his father. It makes me sick and I just want to hug Dean and make him feel better._

_Sam also found out I'm dating his brother. He walked into my room while Dean and I were cuddling. Surprisingly, he took the news quite well. I expected him to be disgusted or uncomfortable and expect us to break up, but he accepted it. He honestly didn't care who Dean slept with. He did threaten Dean if he broke my heart, so I'm glad he accepts my choice._

_Tonight was a disaster. I met John Winchester. If I'm honest, he is the worst person I have ever met. He spoke the worst about Dean. He is extremely homophobic, and thinks Dean has a disease that can be passed on to others. Dean had left to spend the night at a hotel, but came back when I told him that John was yelling at Sam._

_When Dean arrived, it got worse. Dean was being called poison, and a disappointment. I now know why Dean thinks so little of himself - John Winchester psychologically scarred him. John even went as low as involving Dean's deceased mother. The look on Dean's face broke my heart. He deserves to be happy, and to be loved.  
_

_He's going through a rough time right now after yelling at John. So I should go comfort him._

_So, until next time,  
_

_\- Castiel._


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time for round 2.

Sam and Castiel spent the night comforting Dean. They had a couple beers and watched a few movies through the night. Dean didn't seem to focus on anything. He kept replaying the argument he had with John in his head. And every time, he would mutter "I shouldn't have done that" to himself. Castiel wrapped his arms around his boyfriend and held him close.

It was early hours in the morning, Sam had already gone to bed, and Castiel was beginning to fall asleep. "Dean?" He whispered. "Can you look at me?" Slowly, Dean raised his head from Castiel's shoulder. Giving him a small smile, Castiel began to speak. "I think we should head to bed. It's been a long day for both of us, sleeping for a few hours would be very beneficial. What do you say?"

"Alright", Dean sighed.

Castiel stood up and held out his hand for Dean, who took it instantly, and led his boyfriend to his room. Still fully clothed, they crawled into bed and cuddled each other. Castiel was there to support his boyfriend and make him happy. Dean was the first to fall asleep - the events of the night had made him exhausted. Castiel played with his hair as he thought things through.

_< 3_

The next day, Castiel spent the day comforting Dean. Sam was at college, so Dean and Castiel had the house to themselves. Although Dean seemed distraught last night, he seemed perfectly fine through the day. But that didn't stop Castiel from worrying about him. They washed the impala together and they cooked dinner together. It was like last night had never happened.

Until the sun went down.

All the happiness from the day had been drained out of Dean. By 8pm, he had begun to drink the whiskey left in the house. The room was silent. Dean sat at the kitchen table and silently drank alone. Sam and Castiel watched as Dean drank away his emotions. Quietly, they began to discuss Dean and what he must be going through.

"I've never seen him like this", Castiel stated.

"Yeah, I haven't seen him like this since I was 13", Sam explained.

"Why did he drink like this?"

Sam hesitated. "Dad scared away his first boyfriend. Dean had seemed happy until then".

"Do you think he could be happy again?"

Sam smiled at his roommate. "He's _really_ happy when he's with you".

Castiel turned sharply to look at Sam. "Really?"

Sam chuckled. "Yeah. If I didn't know better, I'd say he loves you".

Castiel frowned and titled his head slightly - something that was so Castiel-like. "How do you know?"

"I can see with the way his eyes shine when he looks at you", Sam began. "The way he laughs at your dumb jokes like it's the funniest thing he's ever heard. The way he watches you leave the room. The smile he has that's reserved just for you. The way he moves slightly so he can get closer to you. The way his fingers twitch whenever he wants to hold your hand".

"And you know this because..."

Sam smiled to himself. "Because I'm like that with Jess".

They stood in silence and watched Dean drink. It was only a couple minutes of watching until Castiel walked towards Dean. He took the glass and the bottle away, gaining Dean's attention. "You should stop", he began. "You've drank enough. Let's get you to bed". Surprisingly, Dean obeyed and allowed Castiel to get him to bed.

Dean was removing his shirt as he crawled into Castiel's bed when he stopped. "Do you think my dad hates me?" He asked in a soft voice.

Castiel looked at him and noticed his eyes were red, like he'd been crying. He looked broken. Carefully, he ran his fingers through Dean's hair and smiled. "Of course not. I'm sure he still loves you", he lied. Honestly, Castiel had no idea how John felt about Dean, and he didn't want to find out. "Come on, get in bed". He began to leave after pulling the duvet up when his boyfriend grabbed his wrist.

"Can you stay with me?" Dean asked in a whisper. "Please?"

Castiel found it impossible to refuse. He climbed into bed next to Dean and held him close. Dean rested his head on Castiel's chest, listening to his heartbeat, and wrapped his arms around him. Castiel had his arms wrapped around his boyfriend and listened to the quiet snors of Dean, who had fallen asleep quite quickly. It was peaceful, and eventually, Castiel fell asleep too.

_< 3_

Castiel woke up to the smell of food. He moved his hand across the bed and noticed the empty side where Dean had slept. Climbing out of bed, he walked into the kitchen to see his beautiful boyfriend cooking. With a smile, he walked up to Dean and wrapped his arms around his waist, and lay his head on his shoulder. "Morning", he greeted him.

Dean turned around with a smile. "Good morning, sunshine", he replied before kissing Castiel.

"Oh, come on!" A voice called out, interrupting their kiss. "We eat in here!" They turn around to see Sam with messy hair walking to the fridge. Dean and Castiel laughed before cooking breakfast together. Sam sat at the table and watched them act like teenagers in love. He hid his smile behind his cup of coffee and he watched the two love-birds cook.

The three of them sat at the table and began to talk before Sam and Castiel had to get ready for college. It's Castiel's first day back since his accident, so he was slightly nervous. Dean could tell, so he held his hand to reassure him. During breakfast, they talked about their plans for the holidays. Thanksgiving is coming up soon so they were discussing plans.

Dean was left alone in the house while Sam and Castiel went to school. Luckily, he was able to distract himself with another case from the police. He had lost track of time, and the next thing he remembers is feeling soft lips on his neck. Gentle kisses trailed along his neck and along his jaw. "Hey, Cas", he smiled and turned around to greet his boyfriend.

"Hey", Castiel said. "I brought us burgers. And pie".

Dean grinned like a child at Christmas. "You're the best", he relied before joining Castiel on the couch for lunch and a couple movies. It was like a small date, and it was able to make Dean forget about his problems. Although they were supposed to be watching a movie, Castiel decided to crawl onto Dean's lap and kiss him - which resulted in a little make-out session.

Dean's hands held Castiel's waist, holding him firmly in place. Castiel's hands ran through Dean's hair while he slowly began to grind against Dean. However, they were shortly interrupted by Sam returning home. Dean and Castiel groaned in frustration and stopped themselves. Their sexual frustration grew with every passing second, and Dean knew he wouldn't be able to control himself any longer.

"Do you wanna get out of here and finish what we started?" Dean whispered into Castiel's ear.

"Definitely", Castiel grinned and rushed out the house with Dean.

The ride in the impala was agonisingly slow. They eventually reached a quiet secluded place where they were alone. Wasting no more time, they climbed into the back seat and continued where they left off. Clothes were being ripped off each other and hungry kisses were planted everywhere. When they got to the best part, Dean reached for the lube and a condom.

Satisfying their sexual desires, they lay exhausted in the back seats. "I've never done it in the back seat of a car before", Castiel admitted with a slight chuckle. Dean smiled and drew circles on Castiel's shoulder as he held him close. Castiel was tracing the fading scars while they lay in each other's embrace. Moments like this, Castiel wanted to stay in that position forever.

"I guess you can tick it off your bucket list", Dean stated.

The car fell silent until Castiel asked, "How did you get this scar?" He asked as he traced a scar on the inside of Dean's right arm.

Dean tensed for a second before speaking. "Er... I got that when I was four", he began. "It's a long story, but... er... there-there was a house fire when I was little. It was late at night and dad was working. In Sam's nursery, there was a faulty wire. It's what started the fire. I... I woke up to the smell of smoke. When I ran to my mum... she had already ran into Sammy's room. There were flames everywhere. The smoke was suffocating. I ran to help, but my mum shoved Sammy into my arms and told me to run out the house".

He paused to breathe. "But I couldn't move. I had only just left the nursery when the room went up in flames - my mum still trapped inside. I could... I could hear her screams. I tried to reach out to her, but the fire was too big, and I burned my wrist. I snapped out of it, and began to run out the house with Sammy. I stood in the front yard as I watched the room explode. I was alone for a while until the fire department arrived". Castiel felt Dean shake his head. "I should have saved her", he whispered.

Instantly, Castiel sat up and looked down at Dean. "No. Don't you dare blame yourself. It was an accident. You had no idea it was going to happen. How could you? You were a child, Dean. You're lucky you got you and Sam out. There's nothing you could have done. Don't blame yourself, your mum wouldn't want you to beat yourself up over something you couldn't do. She'd want you to be happy and live a good life. And the man you are today, I'm positive she couldn't ask for more. You are absolutely amazing, and you deserve the world".

Dean smiled and asked, "What did I do to deserve you?" Before Castiel could answer, Dean pulled him down for a kiss. Castiel lay on top of him as they made out again. It was a beautiful moment, and Dean was the happiest he'd been in a while. Gradually, Castiel began to trail kisses along Dean's neck before kissing each and every scar on Dean's torso.

"I want to show you how loved you are", Castiel explained as he continued to kiss the damaged skin. Dean lay back and swam in the sensations from Castiel's kisses. Castiel was being extremely gentle, like Dean was made of glass and he was afraid to break him, as he kissed each scar and he got lower and lower. Dean's breath hitched when Castiel kissed the scar on his abdomen.

Time for round 2.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It would be nice", he continued. "Falling in love with my best friend's brother".

The Christmas holidays had finally arrived. The house was decorated - Dean thinks it looks like Santa's grotto - and Sam was acting like a 5 year old. Sam, Dean, Castiel and Jess were sitting on the couch watching Christmas movies together with a few drinks and cookies. Half way through the movie, Dean's phone beeped with a message. Being nosy, Castiel looked at the phone.

**Benny: _Hey, brother. Happy holidays_**

_Who's Benny?,_  Castiel wondered.

**Dean: _Happy holidays_**

**Benny: _Andrea wants to see you again, do you think we could meet up?_  
**

**Dean: _I'm in Cali rn_  
**

**Benny: _Visiting_ _Sam?_  
**

**Dean: _Yeah, but maybe you could come visit?_  
**

**Benny: _Yeah, I'll see you soon brother_  
**

**Dean: _I'll see you soon._  
**

Castiel looked up at the TV and pretended not to have read the messages. Dean tightened his grip around Castiel and pulled him closer. They were wrapped up in a blanket together to keep warm. Although he was watching the movie, Castiel couldn't stop thinking about Benny. So many questions were running through his head. Who is he? What is he to Dean? Did they ever have a relationship? Was there any romantic feelings between them?

_I should just ask him later,_ Castiel told himself.

It was 3am when everyone was going to bed. Dean and Castiel were getting changed when Castiel stopped and sat on the bed and faced Dean. "I know I shouldn't have been looking", Castiel began, stopping Dean. "And it's rude to be looking into your private life, and I'm probably overreacting, but I can't help myself". he paused. "Who's Benny?"

"He's an old friend", Dean replied.

Castiel frowned and tilted his head. "What does that mean?"

Confused, Dean asked, "Are you jealous?"

Castiel's eyes widened and he quickly said, "No! I'm just... never mind. Just forget I ever mentioned it".

He began to get into bed when Dean rushed to his side. Pulling him up, Dean held his hands. "I'm not letting you go to sleep when you're upset", Dean began. "We're going to talk about this, ok? Benny is an old friend, we met a couple years ago in Illinois. He helped get out of some trouble when a couple guys came at me at a bar. Yeah, I get into a lot of bar fights". Castiel smiled at that.

"Benny gave me a place to stay and he didn't judge me", Dean continued. "He didn't care that I was bi. I don't think he would've cared if I was anything. He was there for me when I was struggling. I had just ran away from home and I had nowhere to go. Benny's like a brother to me. You have nothing to be worried about, I promise".

Castiel pouted. "I was never worried", he whispered.

Dean laughed. "I'm sure you weren't", he sarcastically said. "Seriously, Benny and I are just friends. We are both in happy relationships with amazing partners, and we wouldn't ruin that". Castiel didn't seem convinced, so Dean added, "And he's straight". That got Castiel to look at Dean with relief while trying to hide his smile of happiness.

"That was irrelevant", Castiel said, trying to keep a straight face.

"It's good that you get jealous", Dean admitted. "I would be upset if you weren't. Now I know that you don't like to share". Dean kissed Castiel and smiled into the kiss. It only lasted a couple seconds before they separated to get into bed. Once they got in bed, Dean raised his arm and said, "Come cuddle your boyfriend". Happily, Castiel glued himself to Dean's side and allowed himself to be wrapped in his boyfriend's arms.

He slept well that night.

_< 3_

Two days later, Benny had arrived in California with his girlfriend. They were staying at a hotel near by during their visit. Dean had invited them around for a meal and to catch up. He was cooking the meal with Castiel in the kitchen while Sam and Jess were setting the table and cleaning the house for when they arrive. Dean seemed nervous, so it was Castiel's job to keep him calm.

At 7pm, Benny and Andrea arrived. Dean greeted them at the door with a hug before leading them to the dinning room to introduce everyone. Dean felt giddy when he introduced Castiel as his boyfriend, but also nervous. They all sat down at the table and began to eat and talk. They had wine with their meal, although Dean preferred whiskey.

They were chatting the whole night, laughing about stories. Dean and Benny told the story of how they met, which made everyone laugh. Dean had been flirting with Andrea, who was with someone else at the time, when her boyfriend came to tell Dean to back off. Dean thought he was hot, so he tried to flirt with him. Unfortunately, he was homophobic and he tried to attack Dean. And that's when Benny came in. Dean and Benny had to fight four men at the same time. It was difficult, but not impossible. When they got kicked out, Benny offered to buy Dean a drink because it looked like he needed one. And that was the start of their friendship.

The night continued on until 11pm when everyone was getting tired. Everyone except Dean and Benny. They let everyone go to bed while they walked to the bar down the road for a couple more drinks. The bar was almost full when they arrived, but luckily there were two seats at the bar. About 6 shots of whiskey later, they were slightly drunk and decided to head home.

Dean had agreed to allow Benny crash on the couch, so they were walking home together. The cool air of the night was sobering them up as they walked and laughed about their friendship. It had felt like they had been walking for eternity when they could see the house and the impala in the driveway. It all seemed normal, until they entered.

The first thing Dean could see were flames. The kitchen and living room were filled with bright orange and yellow heat. Adrenaline filled Dean's body as he ran to the closest bedroom - Sam's room. Swinging the door open, he and Benny woke up Sam and Jess and ushered them outside. Dean demanded that Benny stayed with them while he went to get Castiel.

When he got to Castiel's room, the flames had begun to spread around the house and getting closer. He tried to open the door, but it was jammed. He could hear banging from inside. "Cas?!" He yelled over the sound of the crackling fire. "Move back!" He commanded and waited a couple seconds before kicking at the door until burst open.

Castiel was standing in the middle of the room in shock. Dean rushed to him and pulled him into a hug. "Come on, we're going to get you out", Dean said into his ear. As they were about to leave the room, the door frame and ceiling collapsed; blocking their path. "Son of a bitch!" Dean exclaimed. He looked around in a panic until his eyes landed on the window.

"The window!" He explained, guiding Castiel. He opened the window and looked down at the floor below. He turned to his boyfriend and held his face to get his attention. "Cas? Cas?!" Castiel came out of his daze and looked into Dean's eyes. "Listen to me. I need you to jump. Do you understand me? I need you to jump out the window and wait for the paramedics, okay?"

Castiel nodded and began to climb out the window. Before he jumped, he turned and pulled Dean into a kiss. Dean watched Castiel jump and waited to jump himself. He was sitting on the window ledge while Castiel stood waiting for him on the ground. As Dean was getting ready to jump, he heard a loud explosion behind him and felt the of the fire on the left side of his body.

The explosion knocked him out the window and he fell to the ground. He lay on his stomach in pain when Castiel ran to his side. "Dean!" Castiel yelled in panic. He grabbed Dean's shoulder to turn him over, but his hand burned against Dean's shoulder. "Dean? Dean, can you hear me?" He asked while trying to examine him without hurting him.

However, Dean groaned in pain as he lay on his back. His entire body was in pain, but that's how he knew he was alive. It wasn't long until paramedics found them. Castiel was told to back away as they checked Dean's injuries. Other paramedics checked Castiel while Dean was being carried into an ambulance to be taken to the hospital.

Unfortunately, Sam was the only one who was allowed in the ambulance with him, so everyone else had to drive their in their cars. Castiel, Benny and Jess drove to the hospital in Jessica's car. Castiel was anxious as they followed the ambulance. Benny was on the phone to Andrea to explain everything to her. She was running to her car to meet them at the hospital as Benny spoke.

_< 3_

They were in the waiting room for hours while Dean was in the ER. Every time a doctor walked past, they all hoped it was to tell them Dean was okay. Sam was pacing back and forth while Jess was trying to calm him down, Benny and Andrea were talking to each other to keep each other calm, and Castiel sat in a chair with his arms on his legs and stared at the floor. They were like that until sunrise when a doctor came to them.

"He gained a few injuries", the doctor began. "A broken collar bone, a few broken ribs, a broken leg, and 3rd degree burns. The morphine is helping with his pain, but it would take a while for him to recover. Right now, he's in a coma but he should woke up in a couple days. You can see him if you'd like?" The doctor suggested. Everyone jumped at the chance to see Dean.

When they entered the room, they saw wires and tubes sprouting from Dean's chest. He was sleeping peacefully in the bed. Everyone stood around his bed and stared at him in silence. Castiel was standing on his left and looked at Dean's cut and bruised face. He began to fiddle with his fingers when he remembered his burn from touching Dean's shoulder. Instantly, he looked at Dean's shoulder and saw white bandages.

Carefully, Castiel placed his hand on Dean's shoulder. Dean had a couple cuts on his face, but he looked peaceful while he slept. Everyone stayed in the room until waiting hours were over. However, Castiel didn't want to leave him. It took a while, but he was able to convince the  doctors to let him stay the night. The others hugged him for comfort before leaving.

When Castiel was alone, he sat in the chair next to Dean's bed. He was holding Dean's hand with his head on the bed. Quietly, he began to talk. "You should have jumped sooner. I'm just glad you're okay. I don't know what I'd do without you. You make me so happy, and I hope I make you happy too. I know it's selfish of me, but I really want to have you for the rest of my life. I want to be able to go to sleep at night with you, and wake up to see you in my bed. I want to make memories with you - good and bad. I want to be part of your life and I want to have a future with you, maybe have a family some day? I know you would be a phenomenal father". He paused.

"It would be nice", he continued. "Falling in love with my best friend's brother".


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I hope Dean is safe. He deserves the world. Too bad I can't give it to him.

It had been six days and Dean was still in a coma. Everyone took shifts of staying the night, which allowed everyone else to go home and rest. However, Castiel couldn't sleep alone. The bed felt cold and empty, and it was impossible to sleep so he spent the long nights distracting himself with books or school work. He also began looking for another place to stay because he was currently staying at Jessica's place. He was grateful, but it wasn't home.

Tonight was Castiel's turn to spend the night at the hospital with Dean. It was late at night - maybe 2am - and he was struggling to sleep. He would doze off every now and again, but he would wake up after an hour. Although he was holding Dean's hand, it wasn't the same as being wrapped in Dean's arms. The warmth radiating off Dean's body whenever they cuddled always soothed the anxiety and stress inside Castiel.

Castiel woke up when he felt someone squeeze his hand. Immediately, Castiel woke up and watched Dean carefully. Dean's fingers twitched in his hand before his eyes fluttered open. Castiel's heart skipped a beat. He stood up and leaned over Dean and smiled down at him. "Hey", he said in a calm voice as his hand was holding Dean's face.

"Cas?" Dean asked in a hoarse voice.

"Shh, don't talk", Castiel stated. "Just relax. You're in the hospital. You've been in a coma for six days. The fire did some serious damage: a few broken bones and a couple burns. But you're okay now, that's all that matters. Sam is staying with Jess, I've been staying there too until we can find somewhere else. Everyone has been taking shifts to stay with you". Dean nodded slowly, his body aching with pain.

"I'll go get a doctor", Castiel declared before getting off the bed, but Dean grabbed his wrist to stop him from leaving.

"Stay", Dean croaked.

"Okay. I'm not going anywhere", Castiel replied. He could see Dean's eyes begin to droop slightly. "You should sleep; I'll stay here and watch over you". Dean nodded and closed his eyes. Castiel held his hand and watched him sleep. Relief washed over him as he sat in the chair. _He's awake,_ he thought, _Everything's going to be fine now._

Eventually, Castiel fell asleep too.

_< 3_

When Castiel woke up, he felt someone's hand brushing through his hair. It calmed him. He looked up to be greeted with bright green eyes and that smile that he fell in love with. Instantly, he smiled and stared at his handsome boyfriend. Castiel had missed moments like this, so he was trying to revel in it as much as possible before it ends.

"How are you feeling?" He asked.

"Better", Dean replied. His voice didn't seem as broken and hoarse as last night, so maybe he was better. "The doctor came in this morning when I woke up. They were going to wake you, but I could tell you needed sleep. After they had removed all the wires and tubes, they left. You've been asleep for almost an hour. How much sleep did you get while I was out?"

Castiel smiled shyly. "Not much", he admitted. "The bed felt lonely".

"Aww, did you miss me?" Dean joked.

"Yeah", Castiel said, not caring if he looked pathetic. "Although we've only been together for about a month, I can't seem to sleep without you. The bed was too big. It was cold and empty. I found it impossible to sleep, so I spent my time doing school work, or looking for another place to stay because we can't live with Jess forever. Maybe we should look for a one storey house so we don't get more injuries than necessary".

Dean chuckled. "Yeah, that would be best".

It wasn't long until everyone else arrived. They all greeted Dean with a hug and they spent the day talking about what happened over the six days of Dean being in a coma. The day was good and it wasn't until a doctor came in to check up on Dean when they found out when he would be allowed to leave. Apparently, he could go home in three days.

That night, Castiel stayed with Dean again. When everyone left, Dean told Castiel to join him in the bed. For the first time in a week, Castiel was able to sleep wrapped in his boyfriend's arms. He actually slept the entire night. He dreamt about his possible future with Dean. They were living somewhere in the countryside in a nice house with their children. It was peaceful and Castiel didn't want to leave.

_< 3_

Dean had been out of the hospital for a week, and he was slowly recovering. He was staying with Jessica in the guest room until he can find somewhere else to go. He and Castiel had been spending their time together looking at homes. Because Castiel was doing his last year of college, Dean thought they should wait before moving into a house together - especially if their relationship didn't work out.

Right now, it seems like it won't.

Dean was looking at houses for sales when he found the perfect home. He got up from Castiel's desk with the laptop to show his boyfriend, who was in the living room, when he accidentally knocked over a pile of paper onto the floor. "Shit", he muttered as he began to collect the paper. While cleaning up his mess, he couldn't stop himself from reading.

  * _Dean has a short temper_
  * _He has trust issues_
  * _He may have a drinking problem_
  * _He doesn't like talking about his feelings_
  * _He believes he has to be strong_
  * _He has a rough past_
  * _He's had the same nightmare every night for years_
  * _He is constantly fixing/working on his car_



Dean couldn't bring himself to read further. He'd read enough.

Angrily, he stormed into the living room to speak with Castiel. When he entered, he saw Sam and Castiel sitting on the couch. "What the hell is this?!" He yelled, holding the paper in front of him in a strong grip. Sam and Castiel turned to him with a frown. But Dean was glaring at Castiel. "Why have you been taking notes of me?!" He yelled with more anger.

Castiel seemed to recognise the paper. "Dean, calm down. Let-"

"CALM DOWN?!" Dean asked in shock. "Right, because apparently, I have a short temper!"

Castiel stood up. "Dean, it's not like that. Just hear me out, okay? I know you're upset, but-"

"Upset?!" Dean exclaimed. "Of course I'm upset! You should know because you've been studying me like I'm some science experiment! You have wrote down every little detail about me! So of course you would know how I feel! You've been making notes on me since we've met! Hell, for all I know, this relationship could've been a lie this entire time!"

Castiel's heart broke. "No, Dean it's not like that. I promise. I meant everything I ever said. Please, you have to believe me!"

"Why? It says here, I have trust issues", he retorted.

"Dean", Sam interrupted. "I think you're overreacting".

"Overreacting?!" He paused. "You knew about this?" He asked with a soft voice. Sam looked down. Dean scoffed. "Of course you did. Wow. And I thought we never kept secrets from each other. I guess I was wrong". Dean was shaking his head and trying to stop himself from breaking down, like his heart currently was, and trying to keep calm.

"Dean, please", Castiel began. "I was going to speak to you about it, but I knew you'd react this way".

Dean's eyes flashed with anger. "Of course you'd know that! You've been studying me like I'm some monkey in a science lab! But guess what? I'm done! I am done being your monkey who you get to study and analyse! I am done being here! I am done with this relationship!" He yelled as he stormed into the guest room to collect his belongings.

As he was leaving the apartment, Sam and Castiel were trying to stop him, but he couldn't look at them. He ignored them as he got into his beloved impala and drove away, not looking back as he left. He was playing his music as he drove alone on a road that led to anywhere because anywhere was better than being there at the moment.

"Why can I never be happy?" Dean asked himself as he left California.

_< 3_

Castiel watched the impala drive away through teary eyes. He had finally found someone he loved, and he had ruined their relationship. He had destroyed Dean's trust, and probably broke his heart. He knew that Dean has had multiple failed relationships and he had to go and add himself to the list. How could he be so careless?

"It's okay", he heard Sam say beside him. "He probably just needs some time alone. He'll come back eventually, I promise". Castiel wasn't sure he could believe him. Dean had said he was done with it all. He's done with Castiel, so why would he come back? "He loves you, Cas", Sam continued. "He will get over this, and he'll come to his senses and come back to you... because he's in love with you".

"He wants nothing to do with me", Castiel said as he made his way back into the apartment to hide in the guest room. He locked the door behind him and crawled into bed where he cried himself to sleep. Once again, the bed felt cold without Dean, but Castiel believed he deserves to be alone because he had broken Dean's trust.

When he woke up, it was 3am. Quietly, he made his way to his desk to work on school work to distract himself from his heartbreak. When he logged onto his laptop, he saw what Dean had been doing before he left. A website was shown for a house that was up for sale. It was a lovely house in the countryside. Castiel began to look at all the pictures and realised that it was perfect.

Unfortunately, he would be living alone if he were to buy it.

_< 3_

_Dear Journal,_

_I ruined everything. Dean found my notes for class that were about him, and he got angry. He had every right to get angry at me. He had trusted me with the things he told me, and I had used that for school work. I was going to ask him if I could do my assignment on him, but I knew he'd be against it. When I spoke to Sam about it, he had told me to study Dean secretly and show him my assignment when it's complete._

_I shouldn't have listened to him. I knew that it was wrong to go behind Dean's back, so why did I do it? I shouldn't have been so careless. And now Dean's ended our relationship and left me. I got everything I deserve. I never deserved someone like Dean, someone who had such a pure soul. He is perfect, and I'm flawed. He was amazing, loving, caring - the perfect boyfriend. And I never deserved him, like my brothers had always told me._

_I hope Dean is safe. He deserves the world. Too bad I can't give it to him._

_Anyway, until next time,_

_\- Castiel._


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They exchanged numbers and promised to meet Friday at 9.

It had been an entire year since Castiel had spoken to Dean. He and Sam had finished school and were now working. Castiel had brought the house that Dean had chosen, but he stayed in contact with Sam and Jessica. Sam was a lawyer at some fancy lawsuit, and Jess was a nurse trying to become a doctor. And Castiel, he was a psychiatrist for injured military soldiers.

As for Dean, Castiel knew nothing.

He had tried to search for him after school, to solve their fight, but he had no luck. He had spoken to many people for help, but he didn't seem to get any closer to finding Dean. The police were trying to search for him, like he was a criminal, but Dean seemed to disappear off the face of the earth. He was nowhere to be found, and Castiel was beginning to lose hope.

Until his friend, Balthazar, mentioned hiring a private investigator.

He and Balthazar had become friends when they began talking in their psychology class after Castiel had given his assignment on Dean. They began to talk about relationships and talking about who they loved. Their past relationship was behind them, and they only saw each other as best friends. It was nice to be able to speak to someone about the things he kept buried, but he missed Dean.

Balthazar had mentioned a private investigator who was the best. He could track down someone in less than a week. Almost everyone went to him for help. Although he did charge a lot, it's cheaper than most PI's. Balthazar had given Castiel the number for this PI in case Castiel ever wanted to call him. The number sat on Castiel's desk for weeks until he finally decided to ring.

The phone began to ring, and Castiel began to panic. Eventually, they answered.

_"Hey, who do I need to find for you?"_

Castiel froze. "Dean?" He asked with a shaky breath.

Their was silence on the other end. _"I think you've got the wrong number"._

"No", Castiel exclaimed. "Dean, please. I have been trying to find you for the past year. I needed to talk to you about what happened".

_"I don't care"._

"I do!" Castiel said, firmly. "What I did was wrong, I apologise. I should never have done it. I had an assignment where I had to study and analyse someone's behaviour. I know I should have asked for permission before I did anything, but I spoke to Sam and he told me to tell you after I had finished. I wanted to tell you about it, but I didn't know how. I'm sorry, Dean. You trusted me with your personal life, and I took advantage of it. I understand if you don't forgive me, but I want you to know how sorry I am".

It was silent. _"Okay"._

"Okay?" Castiel asked. "What does that mean?"

_"It means okay. I accept your apology, but I don't think I can forgive you"._

Castiel nodded, although Dean couldn't see. "I understand, I was expecting that".

_"I gotta go, I have work"._

"Okay", Castiel paused. "Do you think maybe we could meet up some time? I've missed you".

_"I'll think about it"._

And then the line went dead. Castiel was frozen in shock. It had been a year since he last heard Dean's voice. And it did wonders to his heart. Instantly, he asked Balthazar to come over. Castiel was alone for about 20 minutes until his best friend arrived. Balthazar seemed to have known that Castiel had been upset because he had brought ice cream and doughnuts.

They sat on the couch in the living room eating as Castiel began to explain. "I phone the number you gave me", he began. Balthazar stayed quiet, waiting for him to continue. "Turns out, that amazing PI is my ex-boyfriend. I hadn't heard from him in a year, since our break up. I apologised to him, but he didn't want to speak to me. I invited him out to meet up sometime, but he didn't give me an exact answer. He said he'd think about it before hanging up. He didn't even say bye". Castiel felt his eyes well up with tears. "I ruined everything", he whispered.

Immediately, Balthazar wrapped his arms around his friend. "Come on, Cassie", he started. "You just need to give him time. From everything you've told me about him, it seems like he needs time to think. I believe everything works out okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end. You are amazing, Cassie. If he can't see that, then he doesn't deserve you. You deserve someone who shows you how much you're worth".

"Thanks, Balth", Castiel replied.

They spent the day watching movies together until about 2am. Balthazar slept in Castiel's guest room for the night so he wouldn't have to drive home late at night. But Castiel couldn't sleep. He couldn't stop thinking about Dean. They hadn't spoken in a year, and the last time they spoke was an argument. Castiel hoped and prayed that Dean would agree to meet some day.

_< 3_

A month had gone by when Castiel got a phone call. He didn't recognise the number, so he hesitated to answer. But when he did, he was beyond happy. _"Cas?"_ Came the voice he could never get tired of hearing. The voice was deep and husky, a lot sexier than the last time he heard it. And the way his name sounded sent a shiver down his spine.

"Dean?" He asked, even though he already knew the answer.

_"I've been thinking. Maybe it's not a bad idea to meet up. I can't lie, I've missed you too"._

Castiel smiled. "Where shall we meet?"

_"Waffle House tomorrow at 1"._

"Okay, but... how do you know where I am?"

_"I'm a PI"._

Castiel felt his cheeks heat up in embarrassment. "Okay, I'll see you tomorrow".

_"I'll see you tomorrow"._

The call ended, and Castiel had never felt so happy in his life. Without realising, he had called Balthazar to tell him the news. He was so excited. He was going to meet Dean - the love of his life - after an entire year. Many questions were rushing to his head: _What's he been up to? Has he been in a relationship since? Is he in a relationship now? Does he still have feelings for me?_

The day went by slowly. It seemed like eternity had gone by when Castiel was leaving his house to meet Dean. He sat alone in Waffle House for a couple minutes while he waited. He started to doubt himself it began to tick past one o'clock. He couldn't stop himself from thinking that he was being stood up. Maybe Dean was allowing him to make a fool of himself.

But then the door opened and in walked a devilishly handsome man.

He had not changed since they last saw each other. His eyes were as green as ever as they searched the restaurant for Castiel. His stern face cracked a small smile when he found Castiel at a booth in the corner. He walked to the booth and sat down. He still wore the same style of clothing: blue jeans, a black shirt, a flannel, and a leather jacket.

"Hello, Dean", Castiel smiled.

"Hey".

"I'm so glad you agreed to meet", Castiel began. "It's been a while, and I know that's my fault. I just hope I can make it up to you. Everyone has missed you. A lot has happened since you left. Sam is a big time lawyer, Jess is a nurse and she's training to become a doctor. I am a psychiatrist for injured military soldiers. Sam and Jess are engaged now!"

"I know", Dean replied.

Castiel's smile vanished. "Oh, are you speaking to Sam?"

"Nope", Dean stated.

"Oh", Castiel whispered. They sat in silence for a second before a waiter came to take their order. Castiel quickly ordered, where as dean began to flirt with the waitress. She was very pretty, and Dean was very handsome, so Castiel wasn't surprised they flirted. What hurt him, was the fact that Dean was flirting in front of him. Did Dean not feel anything towards Castiel?

Once the waitress left, Castiel stared at Dean who had his eyes on her ass. Castiel's heart broke. His hopes to fix their relationship were destroyed. _It's what you deserve,_ he told himself. He put on a fake smile when Dean turned his attention to him. "So, how have you been?" He asked, trying to start a conversation and trying to distract himself from the aching pain in his chest.

"I've been okay", Dean replied. "I've been a PI for about 8 months now. I'm constantly on the road, which I love. Baby deserves to be on the road, so I ain't complaining. Life is awesome right now. I'm happy, like actually happy. I feel free, and I wouldn't change that for the world. I have met so many interesting people on the road. I have been to so many places, and I love it. It's awesome!"

Was Castiel hurt? Yes. Did he wish Dean would come back to him? Yes. Is that selfish? Definitely.

They ate together before parting ways. Castiel was walking back to his car when Dean called over to him. When he turned around, Dean was jogging towards him. "I probably shouldn't be doing this, but I can't help myself", he paused. "Do you, maybe, wanna get drinks some time?" He asked while he rubbed the back of his neck.

Castiel smiled. "Yeah, I'd like that".

They exchanged numbers and promised to meet Friday at 9.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is a short chapter. The book is finally coming to an end so the chapters might be shorter (and I'm running out of ideas on what to write so the ending may be rushed).


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean nodded. "Anything you want. If you want to go slow, we'll go slow. I can wait - I will wait because I want to be with you. And I will do anything to get you back".
> 
> Castiel smiled, reached up and kissed him deeply.

Friday finally arrived and Castiel was leaving his house to meet Dean at the bar in town. He decided to order an uber to drive him there instead of taking his car because he knew he'd be getting drunk and he didn't want to be getting arrested for drunk driving. He may be excited/nervous, but he isn't reckless.

When he entered the bar, he realised how packed it was. Loads of people were out for drinks. Carefully, he began to make his way through the thick crowd to find Dean. However, while he was squeezing past people, he had accidentally touched someone's rear - again.

Memories from the first time Dean had invited him out for drinks flooded his mind. This huge guy turned around and glared at him. Castiel was quick to apologise, but the guy was having none of it. "DUDE! I AIN'T NO FAG! I DON'T WANT YA TO BUM ME! GO SUCK DICK FROM SOMEONE ELSE!" The guy yelled.

"No", Castiel started. "I didn't mean to touch you".

"OH, SO I AIN'T GOOD ENOUGH TO FUCK?!"

Castiel frowned. "No, that's not what I mean!" He blinked to focus on everything. "I am getting mixed signals right now. I'm not sure if you're offended or you find me attractive". Anger flashed across the man's face and Castiel instantly knew the answer.

"DO I NEED TO MAKE MYSELF CLEAR, FAG?!" The man was holding Castiel by the collar of his shirt.

"HEY!" A deep voice called out next to them. They turned to see Dean standing tall and glaring at the sexually-confused homophobic. "Let him go! He's with me!" Dean deepened his glare until Castiel was released. Slowly, Castiel straightened his shirt and followed Dean to the bar. Once they sat down and ordered a couple shots, Dean joked, "Do you go searching for trouble, or does trouble go searching for you?"

Castiel smiled. "It seems trouble follows me after I speak with you".

"So you're saying trouble follows me?!" Dean asked with a playful smirk.

"I don't know", Castiel played along. "You got most of your scars from bar fights".

Dean laughed. "Yep. And I've got plenty more since we last spoke".

They drank in silence for a while until they were drunk enough to forget about the awkward tension between them. They were laughing and joking until they heard a British voice call out. "CASSIE!" They turn around to see a slender guy wearing a black V-neck shirt walking towards them. He was obviously drunk.

He threw his arm around Castiel's shoulders, which sparked the jealousy in Dean's heart. "I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE OUT DRINKING! YOU DON'T SEEM LIKE THE TYPE!" Castiel smiled and looked up at his friend.

"Yeah, Balth. I'm having a few drinks with an old friend!"

Balthazar looked Dean up and down with a playful smirk on his lips. "This sexy beast is just a friend? So I have a chance?" He asked without looking away from Dean.

"I'm not interested", Dean stated.

Balthazar raised an eyebrow. "Really? So you're straight?"

"Bi".

Balthazar chuckled slightly. "Me too, sexy", he flirted. "If you're interested in Cassie, give up now. He's still pinning for his ex who left him. I've told him many times to move on, but he's still in love with the guy! Can you believe that?!"

Castiel blushed in embarrassment and Dean quirked an eyebrow in delight. "Okay, Balth. I think you've had enough". Balthazar frowned at his friend. "Go home and sleep. I'll check up on you tomorrow".

Balthazar smiled at Dean. "Isn't he sweet?! He's such a mum! He's always taking care of everyone, but never takes care of himself. He needs to find someone who would care for him when he doesn't care about himself". Balthazar leaned closer to Dean. "Did you know, when his ex left him, he didn't eat or sleep for days until I forced him. He was a mess!"

"OKAY!" Castiel exclaimed, standing up. "Balth, you need to go home. Come on, I'll get you a ride".

They began to leave when Balthazar turned to Dean and said, "Give him a good night please". Castiel shook his head before dragging Balthazar out the bar.

A couple minutes, Castiel returned breathless. He sat down and took a shot. "Sorry about that", he apologised. "Balthazar doesn't have any filter when he's drunk so he says whatever comes to mind. You wouldn't imagine how many fights I've pulled him out of when he drinks". Dean was smirking at Castiel as he spoke. "What?" Castiel asked. 

"So... you're still pinning for me?"

Castiel froze. Cautiously, he spoke. "Yeah... I never got over you. You're amazing, Dean. You were the best thing that had ever happened to me, and when you left, I was lost. I didn't know what to do. It took me a while to get myself together, but I finally got my life back on track and now I have a great life".

"But no love life?"

"No", Castiel replied as he cradled his glass of whiskey. "No one ever seemed interested in a nobody who always tried to figure them out. So I never tried to find anyone". He paused to take a mouthful of his alcohol. "It's not like I deserve to be loved, anyway", he muttered to himself.

"Okay!" Dean exclaimed. "Enough depressing shit. Time to have a good night!" They tapped their shot glasses together before downing the drink.

And the night was good.

_< 3_

Dean and Castiel were leaving the bar early hours in the morning when they decided to crash at Castiel's since Dean didn't have anywhere to stay. The car ride was filled with laughter as Dean told stories of his adventures on the road. When they arrived at Castiel's place, they stumbled through the door and began to head to bed.

When they reached one of the guest rooms, Dean turned and smiled at Castiel. "Okay, I'll let you sleep. Good night". Castiel was about to leave when Dean grabbed his wrist and pulled him close to him. Castiel gasped in shock, but it was cut off by Dean's lips on his. Naturally, he melted into the kiss.

It wasn't until Dean tried to remove his belt when he snapped out of it. He pushed Dean away and tried to catch his breath. "I'm sorry", he apologised, running his hand through his hair. "I can't... I can't do this. It's not right. You shouldn't be kissing me! I hurt you, Dean! I broke your trust! I took advantage of it! You should be yelling at me! Screaming at me! Tell me you hate me!"

Dean's face softened as he walked closer to Castiel and ran his hand up his arms. "I can never hate you. I love you, I haven't stopped loving you".

Castiel shook his head. "No. I don't deserve to be loved! Especially by someone like you!"

Dean forced Castiel to look at him. "Cas, you deserve the world. But I can't give you that, so I hope my love with be enough". 

"I never asked for anything more". Dean pulled him into a hug. They stood on silence for a while until Dean began to kiss Castiel's neck. Castiel tried to resist, but Dean was so soft and it send tingling sensations everywhere.

Eventually, he was able to pull away. "I - I don't want it to start like this", he began to explain. Dean frowned, but waited for him to continue. "Our last relationship started like this, and I hated how it ended. I want us to wait before we do anything". Castiel hesitated before looking up at Dean. "Are you okay with that?"

Dean gave him a small smile. "Of course".

Castiel sighed with relief. "I think we should go slow. I don't want us to rush anything. And I promise, no secrets. I don't want to hide anything from you. Trust is everything, and I hope you can trust me enough to speak to me about anything like before. I want to be able to speak freely with you too".

Dean nodded. "Anything you want. If you want to go slow, we'll go slow. I can wait - I _will_ wait because I want to be with you. And I will do anything to get you back".

Castiel smiled, reached up and kissed him deeply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter and the book will be finished.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I can't believe I fell in love with my best friend's brother".

** Epilogue **

"Jack! Claire!" Castiel yelled from the back door. "Your dad's going to be home soon, come help me set everything up!" Immediately, his two kids came running into the house. After being told to strip down from their winter clothes, they began to decorate the house for their dad's birthday.

It was almost 7pm when they heard the rumble of the impala pull into the driveway. Excitedly, they stood in the kitchen to wait for Dean to enter.

When Dean entered the house, it was silent. He hung his leather jacket near the door before making his way into the kitchen. He could smell something sweet and it took him a couple seconds to realise that he could smell pie. His mouth began to water at the smell. 

But the sight was even better. 

Standing in the kitchen with three pies was his family - his amazing husband and his two amazing kids. He smiled when he saw them. "Happy Birthday!" They all chimed. Dean's heart melted. He hugged his kids and kissed his husband to thank them. Dean had spent the entire day at the garage, so he was kinda tired, but being with his family always gave him a smile.

"This is wonderful", he said. "Thank you guys so much! I love you all!"

The night was spent eating pie and watching movies. By 11pm, Jack and Claire were in bed so Dean and Castiel had some time to themselves. They took advantage of their alone time to celebrate Dean's birthday. When they were lying in bed in each other's arms, Castiel was tracing the scars and tattoos on his husband before saying, "Gabriel is visiting next week".

"Oh", Dean breathed. "I don't think he forgives me for when we first met".

"Nonsense! He understands that you were being protective".

Dean looked down at Castiel with a frown. "I pinned him against the wall by his throat".

_< 3_

**5 YEARS AGO**

Dean and Castiel were alone in the house together. Their wedding was in four days, so they were making last minute decisions and doing some intimate acts. It was 3am when Dean was walking into the kitchen for a drink after he had worn Castiel and himself out, and he heard a noise. Carefully, he went to investigate. Castiel seemed to have heard the noise because he was at the bottom of the stairs.

"Stay here", Dean whispered with urgency.

Castiel didn't listen and followed Dean around the house. Once Dean had found the intruder, he waited for the perfect time to attack them. In a swift movement, Dean had the intruder pinned against the wall by the throat. The lights turned on to reveal a short, dirty blonde guy struggling to breathe. "Who are you?!" Dean demanded.

"Dean! Stop!" Castiel yelled, pulling at Dean's arm. "That's my brother!" Immediately, Dean let go and watched Castiel's brother fall to the floor. Out of instincts, Castiel ran to his side. "Gabe? Are you alright?" His brother nodded while rubbing his throat. "What are you doing here, Gabriel?" Castiel asked in a soft voice. His brother breathed in a couple times before answering.

"My baby bro is getting married this week! Did you really think I'd miss it?!"

A smile edged onto Castiel's lips. "You support my decision?"

"Of course I do! I just want you to be happy", Gabriel replied. "The others may be against it, but that's because they are a great big bag of dick, especially Luci. I've always loved going against everything they say, so they should be used to having disobedient little brothers by now. And if you ever need someone to stand up to them for you, I'll be there".

Castiel pulled him into a hug. "Thanks, Gabe". When they broke apart, Castiel pulled his brother to his feet to introduce him to Dean. "Gabe, this is Dean, my fiancé. Dean, this is my older brother, Gabriel", Castiel introduced the two. 

Dean put his hand out for Gabriel to shake and said, "I'm sorry I pinned you against the wall. I was acting on instinct".

"Some kind of instinct you've got", Gabriel stated, still not shaking Dean's hand. Awkwardly, Dean lowered his hand. "Okay", Gabriel turned to Castiel. "Where am I staying?"

_< 3_

**PRESENT DAY  
**

While Dean and Castiel were talking, they heard a little scream from Claire's room. Immediately, they jumped out of bed, pulling on the closest trousers from the floor, before running to their daughter's room. When they barged in, they saw Claire crying in her bed, shaking in fear. Carefully, Dean and Castiel sat on either side of the bed to comfort her.

"Claire?" Castiel asked in a soft whisper. Teary blue eyes stared up at him. "It was just a nightmare. It wasn't real. You're safe here, I promise. Nothing can hurt you while your dad and I are around to protect you. We won't let anything bad happen to you". Claire didn't seem to believe his words because she was still shaking and searching her room for monsters.

Dean sighed. "Claire-bear?" Claire looked at him, and he could see the fear in her eyes. "Would you like to spend the night in our bed?" Slowly, she nodded her head. Scooping her into his arms, Dean carried his daughter to his bedroom. Dean and Castiel lay in bed with Claire in between them. She was still crying, but she had finally stopped shaking.

The three of them were beginning to fall asleep when the bedroom door opened. There was a small figure in the doorway. "Dad?" A small voice called out. Dean and Castiel sat up slightly to show Jack that they were awake. Quietly, Jack walked closer to their bed. "Can I... can I sleep with you tonight? My room is... I don't want to sleep alone".

"Of course!" Castiel said. "Come here".

Quickly, Jack crawled in between Castiel and Claire before getting comfortable. The small family lay in bed together, entangled with each others' limbs. The children felt safe and warm, and the parents felt whole and content. Eventually, they all fell asleep after saying "good night". Dean was the last to fall asleep, wanting to ensure that his family was safe before sleeping.

He began to fall asleep, thinking about what Castiel had told him earlier.

_"I can't believe I fell in love with my best friend's brother"._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's finally finished! I hope you enjoyed it!


End file.
